I wake to a pain so intense
It is a pain such as a heart attack
I reach for the phone to dial 911
I can barely breathe
I fall out of my bed and the phone falls out of reach
I crawl to it and dial for help
I feel myself blacking out
In the distance I hear the EMTS come through my doors
Which they had to break because I couldn’t get off the floor
I relent to the pain, close my eyes and float into the dark
I feel my body jerk from the shock by the EMTS
My next awareness of consciousness in a hospital bed
With three doctors by my bed looking puzzled
They ask me if I have ever had heart problems
No I tell them, never
The look at each other
Your lab results do not show any trace of heart issues
Does anyone in your family have heart issues? They ask
No I say. They look even more puzzled.
Well get some rest and we will run more tests tomorrow.
They leave and I am all alone
Alone in my hospital bed, now in the dark
I feel the pain creeping back on me
I feel tightness in my chest, I can’t breath
I feel tears on my cheeks
I ring the bell for a nurse who comes in
She checks my vitals on the monitor
And tells me she sees nothing that will indicate my pain
I cry harder than before
She sits in the chair next to my bed and takes my hand
She looks me in the eyes and says to me
Child, did you just have your heart broken?
I look at her not knowing what to say.
I have seen these symptoms before
It has been fifteen years but I remember like yesterday she says.
Is it possible that your ailment is a broken heart?
I cry harder, it occurs to me then that I woke from slumber
Due to the nightmare I had of my lost love happy with another.
I cry harder to the soothing voice of my nurse
Cry child, get it out. That is the only remedy.
There is nothing worst than a broken heart my child
No doctor or hospital can treat that for you
I am sorry you will have to take care of it yourself
You need to start by accepting that it has happened
Cry as hard as your body, mind and soul ask for.
That is the only way you can get over it.
I feel horrible, I feel like I am being attacked for within.
How long does this go on I ask my ever knowing nurse
Honey it can take just tonight or a life time
God I hope not I think
I do not want to feel this way for ever
I will not wish it on my worst enemy
I ask her why then do people say it is better to have loved and lost it
Than never to have found love?
I would rather be loveless than have to find love, loose it and feel
Like my heart is going through a shredder.
My child everything we do in life
Is for love or in the pursuit of love.
Without love we are nothing and nothing moves.
Another love will come in
And you might have to go through this all over at some point
What matters is that you figure out how to deal with it and move on
Get some sleep and allow the pain to consume you
Cry it out as much or as long as you have to so it flows out
Tomorrow is another day. Don’t regret the love you shared and lost
Carry the memories and let them shine
As one of the beacons of your life.
I go to sleep with the words of my Angel nurse
Hoping that tomorrow brings a brighter and better day.