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Dawn Hewerdine

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Member Since: Jul, 2011

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Chippers and Rattles LOL
by Dawn Hewerdine
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Rated "PG" by the Author.
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Funny poem about snakes, bugs, and extermination.


chippers and rattles
my two garter snakes
i found in my yard
when i lifted the rake

entwined together
sleeping it seemed
i know they were watching
they laughed when i screamed

 two spiders were playing
under the house
they grinned when i jumped
and tripped over a mouse

 i saw a gopher
dig down in the dirt
i smiled as i said,
“i saw that, you squirt!”

 the puppy was sleeping
next to the cat
dreaming of chasing
a giant black rat

 inside the cellar
i found quite a crew
of pissants and beetles
i stepped on a few

 i turned on the light
boy did they scatter
i didnt care
it didnt quite matter

 into the crevices
into the holes
i watched as they scurried
off of the poles

 the roaches were seen
but hiding in vain
i said to the master
“get out of my drain!”

the big cockroach laughed
then flipped me off
as into the doorway
i went for the loft

 i mixed a contraption
thinking surely it will
take care of those insects
i wanted to kill

 i set out the liquid
but to my dismay
the pests had a party
and went on their way

so back to my vehicle
i stomped away mad
got out my fogger
feeling quite glad

 i thought now at last
i’ll be free of those pests
they grinned as they watched
saying “surely you jest!”

 the fogger was broken
i made a new plan
i was going to get them
any way i can

 after trying and failing
and trying again
i set off explosives
from inside of my van

 the house was soon gone
as bug bodies splattered
i did not believe
that much else mattered

 feeling exuberant
it was victory this time
then i found out
the house wasn’t mine

 i got into my van
and drove away fast
hiding all traces
of the bug splattered blast

 i awoke from my dream
with the cat on my bed
i sat up slowly
scratching my head

 into the kitchen
i went to the sink
grabbed me a glass
for a nice cool drink

 from inside the drain
i though i heard chatter
i dropped my glass
and watched as it shattered

 i ran from the house
screaming like hell
all of my neighbors
heard me yell


 “they’re coming for me,”
i screamed as i ran
i tripped on the rake
bumped my head on the van


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Reviewed by Connie Faust 7/23/2011
A good laugh on a very hot day! Thanks, and welcome to Authors' Den!

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