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DrShalomim Yahoshua HaLahawi MD(AM), PsyD(PC), LicMD(P), BC-IMD, HMD. DPH, DPHC, Rabi Kohan

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DrShalomim Yahoshua HaLahawi MD(AM), PsyD(PC), LicMD(P), BC-IMD, HMD. DPH, DPHC, Rabi Kohan, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.




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Books by DrShalomim Yahoshua HaLahawi MD(AM), PsyD(PC), LicMD(P), BC-IMD, HMD. DPH, DPHC, Rabi Kohan
Broken Hearted
by DrShalomim Yahoshua HaLahawi MD(AM), PsyD(PC), LicMD(P), BC-IMD, HMD. DPH, DPHC, Rabi Kohan
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Rated "G" by the Author.
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Recent poems by DrShalomim Yahoshua HaLahawi MD(AM), PsyD(PC), LicMD(P), BC-IMD, HMD. DPH, DPHC, Rabi Kohan
•  Is it too hard to ask?
•  Love: the Undefined
•  My Wife
•  A Man Like This
•  GIVE ME EDEN OR GIVE ME DEATH
           >> View all 23

What is a man to do after he gives his wife the world and she still walks out when he needed her the most


The night turns dark, you break my heart
From beginning to the end, from the end to the start
_

I dedicated my life for you, I risked my entire life for you
_

I’d die for you, many nights I cried for you, I prayed for you, every day for you
_

I swore to Elah that I’d never abandon you, never betray you and always stand in for you
When you were 16 and depressed, doing drugs & having sex , I was there
_

Struggling in school, feeling like a worthless tool, I was there
_

When you cried out to me helpless and confused,  to help you from being sexually abused, I was there
_

When your mother protected her lover, who was touching you under the covers, I was there
_

I risked my congregation, I sacrificed my reputation, because for you I wanted to be there
_

I lost everything I built,  everything went downhill, because for you I wanted to be there
_

When they put you in foster care & tried to send you away, when things were really bad and nothing was ok, I was there…..
_

When your father was not there for you, your mom turned her back on you, I was there
_

When your grades improved, and your life was renewed, I was there
_

When your family dysfunctional situation, sabatoged you 5 months before your high school graduation, I was there
_

I paid for you to finish high school to get your Diploma instead of GED, and have the dignity to graduate and continue to pursue your dreams
_

I paid for and tutored you with love & care, for your first achievement and diploma in healthcare
_

I paid for & proctored your National Medical Certifications, I was there for you for every test and evaluation.
_

I coached you and encourage you when you felt unsure, I wouldn’t let you give up and encouraged you to endure.  
_

I paid for your Dual Medical Bachelors Degrees, so that you could continue your hopes and dreams, You were my pride and joy, we were the #1 global team!!!
_

Even the technical diplomas that hang on our walls, was the achievements you made, in which I supported and applaud.
_

I supported you in your apprenticeships & every skill you obtained, Even your Nursing degree was something I arraigned.
_

I nurtured you, guided you, taught you, trained you and invested every bit of knowledge that made me successful into you!!!!
_

I was there when you gave birth twice, I helped deliver the babies, I was there when things were normal and the times when things got crazy…
_

I rubbed your belly when you were in labor for 3 months, your primary care doctor, remember I was the one??
_

I was there when you were having life threatening emergencies, I saved your life literally because I didn’t want you to leave me
_

I filled in for the missing times, even the ones your parents failed …I was your guide, your lover, your friend, the husband you once hailed!!
_

I was the one who encouraged you to forgive your mom, because I saw your separation from her and all the emotional harm…
_

I forgave your mom for what she did to you and me, because I wanted to see you always happy.
_

I encourage your renewed relationship that you didn’t want with your dad, to give him a second chance to make up for the all the failures he’s had
_

I was the person who you could talk to and pour out your hearts concerns, for hours we'd talk from me you learned.
_
 
I wanted soo much to see you smile every day, I worked soo hard to be a good man in every way……
_

I took you on trips, not a year we’d miss, I gave you everything to try to make your life bliss
_

We’ve traveled internationally and experienced great things, we were even mischievous together in some of our flings.
_

We had soo much fun, we enjoyed our lives, We were the number #1 couple a model husband and wife.
_

Our children were exceptional, because we were the best parents that could be, they were the perfect reflection of both you and me.
_

Our family was soo happy, alive and free,  people would just come to our home because we offered a refuge of peace….
_

You inspired soo many women who had struggled & needed hope, how you blossomed into a great woman, everyone wanted to learn and know….
_

You set a new standard of what a true wife should be, you were sacred, chosen and perfect standing beside me.
_

But then things suddenly changed, as the truth came before us, you made decisions that has now completely torn us…
_

 It seems when I fell on hard times and started struggling with my health, slowly but surely you wanted something else.
_

When I was loosing my hip and needed therapy using range of motion, where were you and what was your notion.
_

When I was in constant pain and it hurt soo bad to walk, you blamed me for no longer being fun and choose another man in whom you’d talk.
_

you were the perfect cook but then you started doing it with disdain, you started slipping away as and missing your aims
_

You choose a secret affair with a man whose claimed to be muslim, you picked up fire and held it to your bosom.
_

You blamed my in-activity, suffering and pain, on no longer being there for you and it was my fault to be blamed.
_

Suddenly my sadness at my own situation, became as if to you that  I was turning my frustration….
_

When I started feeling hopeless after two surgeries damaged my life, Not only did I loose my dignity but I started loosing my wife….
_

I tried soo hard to hide my pain but it just kept getting worse, you slipped back into your former ways and seemed to not care about me being hurt…
_

I forced myself to spend more time by taking you out to give you joy, which accelerated the collasp of my hip due to the cartilage being destroyed…..
 _

I sacrificed my manhood, just to try to save our family, but slowly but surely you seemed to stop caring
_

You said I was never there for you, you said I didn’t care, you called me a horrible husband and said things that were not fair
_

You left me in the hospital and treated me like a dog, because I discovered your secrets and your private texting and phone calls…..
_

Every time I caught your dishonesty & deception with other men, you shut down and became cold as if I was just your boyfriend..
_

Then you say you are sorry and claim you made a mistake, every time you got caught you say your mind got led a stray,
Ironically the same thing you said when I met you almost 12 years till this day….
_

You wouldn’t allow me to heal and tried to force me to be okay, and then you get angry at me because it didn’t go your way……
_

You made me feel like I was worthless and everything I did was in vain
You never seemed to care of what you brought me, which was more pain
_

And yet in the midst of this, I  still did all the above, because despite your hatred of me, I was still genuinely inlove….
_

I was faithful from day one, dedicated in every way, I remained true to our marriage even when things were not okay…..
_

And yet my struggles got worse, as I suffered from complications of my hip, things started spiraling out of control until I loss my grip..
_

you became more depressed, more angry every day.  You talked to me with contempt in almost everything I’d say….
_

You started sleeping away from me, with your back turned in the bed, you no longer wanted to cuddle, as you slept all the way to the edge,  
_

you took your frustrations out on me and the kids & sometimes I’d cry to myself, trying to figure out what I did.
_

Suddenly I was the blame and I was the problem, It was all my fault for your actions and still I was left to solve them…..
_

Suddenly I wasn’t good enough to have a faithful wife, suddenly you turn on me and try to ruin my life
_

We used to never argue like other American families. We used family conflict solutions which always ended with us happy…..
_

But now that I am suffering including from an accident, you walk on me and suddenly away you went….
_

Suddenly nothing even matters, suddenly you hate my gutts,  suddenly you don’t even care and you destroy all of my trust….
_

for everything I’ve done, every thing I’ve sacrificed, you take half my money and try to take my children from my life……
_

That’s the thanks I get, for what I’ve invested into you, all the years I’ve been your #1 ally and this is what you do?
_

Now I am sitting here, in constant fear of deadly threats, trying to find a way to clean up this big mess
_

Police, Judges and lawyers are now in our midst, because you choose to make your heart into a cold iron fist….
_

Instead of doing right, as the great women you became, you force me to use the courts to our detriment and shame…
_


I have always been a good husband, who just fell on hard times, but is treated as if I have committed a horrible brutal crime……
_

Splitting up my children, tearing them apart, in order to try your best to destroy whats left of my heart

_
then the very people who turned their backs on you, is now your refuge in what you putting our family through
_


What was the sacrifice of all that I gave, in that you turn out like this in how you now behave….
_

Your eyes show hate, your demeanor shows betrayal,  your heart seems to be sold out to the devil from hell
_

What could I have possibly done for you to turn into this person, that no matter how much I try to resolve this, the situation just simply worsen.
_

Was this all in vain, a 12 year mistake? Was I wrong for being there for you, in the purest of goodness sake?
_

Now everything we’ve built is being dismantled, because errors you’ve made and situations you’ve wrongly handled…
_

You even drop out of Nursing Training, that I paid for you to achieve, you don’t even care about anything and its just hard to believe….
_

Why would you throw all the greatness your life became away, why would choose this path to destroy the light of day?
_

Why would you betray the man who gave you a good life, why would you give up the greatness of being a virtous wife?
_

What happened to striving to be the Righteous woman of Elah, to be led by the Spirit and walk in the image of Chockimah?
_

What happen to praying and doing what is right? Why choose darkness over light ruling your life?
_

So now all I have invested into you, is taken and destroyed, opening the door for some other man to benefit and enjoy
_

This is the pain I receive for trying to be your hero……. The calculations of investing into building family turns out now to ZERO…..
_

Its been hard to sleep, very hard to eat, but easy to cry and easy to weep
_

my heart is broken, my life is in confusion. Satan has taken our family and created an illusion…
_

I am weary I am tired, I feel so betrayed, and yet I still pray to Yahwah to come to our Aid….
_

this Edenic family is all torn apart, because of a person I trusted with my heart.
_

Its hard to cope and hard to understand, its something that makes you feel like less than a man
_

what did I do to be treated like this, I just pray for healing that’s all that I wish….
_

Love is gone, everything Is gone, maybe I didin’t do enough, maybe I did something wrong?
_

I’ll probably question myself for the rest of my life, how I invested soo much and still lost my wife..
_

A story that will never end, even though we have parted, I have to pick op the pieces of being broken hearted.
_

Oh Elah oh Elah, what have I done, I thought  was your child, one of your favoured sons?
_

Everything I worked hard for, everything I do, wss to bring you honor and give praise to you...
_

Eloi Eloi Lama Sabactani
Hear my cry and have mercy upon me
_

My heart is weak, my feelings are frail, my life is a wreck and filled with hail...
_

I long for peace, restoration and healing. I long for a ceasefire of the pain I am feeling...
_

I invested soo much, I deserve better in return, this cannot possibly be some lesson to be learned..
_

This is not right that we are going through this trial, that my reputation is tarnished and my heart is defiled...
_

All I wanted was family as the center of all my living, that was my motivation to keep giving and giving....
_

Elah please intervene and fight on my behalf and do not let the enemy get the last laugh....

_
Step in and show your power, show your favour and truth, and let me be clear that I am chosen by you!!!
_

For now it hurts really bad on what she has started, I am just simply struggling from being broken hearted...
_
 

 

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Reviewed by m j hollingshead 8/10/2014

poignant read
Reviewed by - - - - - TRASK 7/17/2014
7-17-2014

You Should Just Turn Walk Away And
Do Not Look Back!

Times YOU As We Just Do Not Know
How Fortunate We Are,i.e If You Do Not
Let Go Something Will Let Go For You!

Me, I'd Live Alone In Solitude Known
I Do did Not Have Your Own Created
(World)Problems PAIN!!

TRASK...
Reviewed by richard cederberg 7/15/2014
A good purge. Sharing something this personal with an eclectic opinionated world takes guts. I respect that. Peace...
Reviewed by Ronald Hull 7/11/2014
It was a long tirade. And there were lines repeated as well. The prayers in the end will not be answered. I agree with Ed on this one. We have not heard her side of this May-September thing you call a marriage.

Ron
Reviewed by Edward Phillips 7/11/2014
This narrative seems to be all about you as evidenced by the excessive number of times "I" and "my" and "me" appears. A second clue shows up in the inordinate number of degrees and abbreviations that follow your name. The rest is a lot of wailing about how you feel about what you believe you did for her. Sorry, but you sound like a self-centered cry baby.
Reviewed by Sandie Angel 7/10/2014
I'm so very sorry for what you are going through. I hope things will get better.

Sandie
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