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Linda Dousay

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Member Since: Mar, 2006

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Working Draft
by Linda Dousay

Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Not rated by the Author.
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           >> View all 22

This is part of a poem... I am having problems with one stanza...your feedback is appreciated...My feeling is that the second stanza has too much in it...

First draft:

Deep within the valley
a glint of light revealed
a gentle flowing river
near a field of daffodils... 
 

(Decided to stay with the first version)

Thanks!



 

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Reviewed by La Belle Rouge Poetess Of The Heart 3/2/2007
I like the first better, more concise but conveys the image well.
Reviewed by K. Mulroney 3/1/2007
Read perfect to me. The beat is right on target. Don't mess with perfecton!
Reviewed by Laura Mayer 2/27/2007
I agree with Fee, I like the flow and rhythm of the first stanza. Hope this helps.
Hugs, Laura
Reviewed by Felix Perry 2/27/2007
I like both versions but the first would be my preference, it has a nicer flow and rythem to it when read out loud.

Fee
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