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Ronald W. Hull

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Cut the Cheese
by Ronald W. Hull
Saturday, August 01, 2015
Rated "G" by the Author.
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I'm from Wisconsin where dairy products and cheese reign supreme. I love cheese of all kinds and am a sucker for all of the cheese snacks out there. Unfortunately, I'm also lactose intolerant, so some cheeses make me very ill.


Cut the Cheese

All you Cheeseheads so fat that you wheeze,
a bit of advice… Cut the cheese.

Cheddar, Colby, Swiss, Roquefort, or Jack,
beer, pizza and tacos, curls and bits,
cheesy snacks are the rage and big hits.

Melted or sliced, granulated or bulk,
all add to your physique,
like the incredible hulk.

And if you want to get stopped up,
a cheese plug awaits.
A lasagna binge, will close those gates.

So, gobble the curds that float on the whey,
consume all that salt and butter fat, store it away.

It's going to be a long winter,
and you'll  need all that fat.

Hibernate like a bear,
and snore like a purring cat.

But please, be very careful how you cut the cheese,
because a fart contains more than its breeze!

Copyright 2015 © Ronald W. Hull

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Reviewed by J. Quantaman
I grew up in Minnesota which had a similar subsidy for the dairy producers. Vegetable substitutes for butter came in plastic sacks with a vegetable dye that you had to massage into the "white" margarine to make the result look like butter. Circa 1960s.
Reviewed by Daniel Farmer
And what kind of cheese do smart guys eat?
Cheese Wiss

( yeah, I know that's a cheesey joke)
Reviewed by Michael Schafer
I'm addicted to cheese,
I need a cheese break.
But most od all,
I love cheese cake.

Michael D.
Reviewed by Jane Noponen Perinacci
I know my body and I can not eat exuberant amounts of Swiss, Mozzerella, and I don't know what others types of cheeses. You have a way with words, Ron!

Love ya!

Reviewed by Odin Roark
Us guys know that the "crude" never dies, and we're ever ready for a reference to the passing winds, especially when cleverly executed.
Reviewed by Eva Pasco
What about provolone? I stay away from most cheeses, and provolone tops the list. I just can't get past the odors. I do like melted cheese on sandwiches.
Reviewed by Jerry Bolton
Hah! I'm a cheese head. Like all kinds, but I have to say extra sharp cheddar (not the white) wins out most of the time.
Reviewed by Miller Caldwell
The last two lines saved the day as winter now approaches. I see you are a cheese buff. Now open a beaujolais and enjoy a modicum of cheese concentrating on indulging in the holes of the Swiss cheese.
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