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Leland Waldrip

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Courtroom Success
by Richard Orey

A companion textbook for students of court reporting and practicing court reporters focusing on basic and advanced theories and principles of machine shorthand and speed-..  
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Books by Leland Waldrip
by Leland Waldrip
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Rated "PG" by the Author.
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Recent poems by Leland Waldrip
•  Stones
•  Favorite Hippocrites
•  F5's
•  Gone
•  Universal God
           >> View all 299

Kidney stones are no joke.



Some stones’r real gems.
From deep in th’ mines,
They satisfy people’s whims
‘N draw cultural lines.

But other stones crystallize
In th’ kidney, whizzing along.
Yeah, you can get this prize,
From eatin’ ‘n drinkin’ wrong.

They say drink lots ‘o water
Stones won’t form in th’ kidney,
Not doin’ what I oughter,
Hear my yelp down in Sidney!

‘Cause it hurts like a blaze,
If your p-shooter’s blocked.
Your eyes, they just glaze.
Man –– like you been clocked!

What should I drink ‘n eat,
Keep the damn things at bay?
Water ‘n fluids – not to repeat –
‘N potassium citrate, they say.

Calcium’s good, milk ‘n nog,
Yogurt, some sardines’ll do.
But not much fried hog,
‘Cause salt’s sorta taboo.

Don’t want spinach in th’ diet,
‘Cause it’s got oxalate,
‘N about rhubarb be quiet,
‘Cause spinach is its mate.

Beans’r good, cocoa’s not bad,
Ricotta, provolone, ‘n swiss.
 Low salt pizza’ll be my fad,
Just to take a piss!

I’m gonna be a good guy,
‘N eat only what’s right,
Juice, juice, juice I’ll buy,
Drink real hard, ‘cept at night.

Oh, no, don’t wanna be
Hospital bound, put to sleep,
Where they’ll mine me,
For nasty gems, kidney deep.

R Leland Waldrip








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Reviewed by Regis Auffray 10/4/2014
I heard this is an awful condtion pain wise. I appreciate your humorous approach to it via your verses here, Leland. Well done and I hope you are well too. Love and peace to you,

Reviewed by La Belle Rouge Poetess Of The Heart 9/15/2014
Oh they are awful and I hope yours go away. Gall stones aint no joke neither. Clever pen, Leland.
Reviewed by Ronald Hull 8/31/2014
That's a good one, real cute and one I can identify with. I'm not sure all that food and drink hocus-pocus makes a lot of difference, although my partner had a cure--baked pineapple juice spiked with alum--that made lithotripsy work like a charm in one try.

Feeling very uneasy one night, I drove myself to the emergency room, only to find out that I needed emergency surgery (done neatly through my urethra instead of with a knife) to insert a stent to allow my kidney to drain. Two lithotripsies later, for a stone in each kidney, I haven't had any reoccurrence since. Just another part of medicine in the 21st century keeping us alive, happy and, hopefully, pain-free.

Reviewed by Michael Schafer 8/31/2014
Painfully Funny.

Michael D.
Reviewed by Mr. Ed 8/31/2014
I can feel your pain - I've have huge Kidney Stones myself, 10 years apart, which I could not pass on my own. But luckily, I've had two Lithotripsies so far, where they put you in a large tub of water and blast them away with Shock Waves. What an amazing relief from such agonizing pain.
Reviewed by John Domino 8/30/2014
Very well expressed and painfully so. Hopefully there are new procedures that will lessen the blow.
Reviewed by Jerry Bolton 8/30/2014
Hah! I've been there twice and have lived to tell about it, although I wasn't sure I was going to. Eh . . . I still eat whatever I want. They are pure hell, I'll give you that though.
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