I woke up in the middle of the night
with a twisting in my gut,
my heart in my throat,
my hands clutching at pain.
And for a moment
I didn't know what was going on.
For a moment I couldn't
understand.
Then it came to me,
the knowledge
crashing like waves
on the shore.

I laid there
stunned by it all.
I prayed to god
to make you love me again,
make you want me.
And although i know it's silly
and stupid.
I still feel myself
holding onto hope,
hope that somehow
my prayer will be answered.
I'm trying so hard
to let that hope go,
but it nags at me,
tugs at my shirtsleeve.

Then I think, I haven't seen you
or spoken to you since that prayer.
Maybe something has changed.
Maybe you've changed suddenly.
And I remember a dream I had last night,
you were laying next to me in bed.
And you said:
"I'm letting go of this shit.
We'll talk again. I'll be nice"
And just then I wanted to turn toward
you and hold your face in my hands
and kiss every inch of you,
but I realized that i couldn't
so instead I was content with the knowledge that
I'd be your friend again.
That's enough for now.