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Micha Julian

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Member Since: Sep, 2002

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The Last Time, Again
by Micha Julian
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Rated "R" by the Author.
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Recent poems by Micha Julian
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           >> View all 145


The last time I saw him...
I died.   Again.   Again!
No tears, just empty dreams and
watching that Tape inside my head--
Pausing in all the same places and
knowing all the while, it was
the wrong film, the wrong way to
spend this "Lovers' Day".
Curled up in front of a memory,
pressing hard on Pause, trying
to bring the past to life, again.


Why? Who Knows?

I simply sat and watched
numb and stupidly, clutching
that damned 'Remote', seeing
that face, those eyes, that smile,
watching that dance we danced
so long ago...
Dancing our way through
those halcyon days.
Proving to each other, Hah!--
That we were and could be

This time, this last time
after finally hitting 'Stop' --
Ejecting the tape and
staring at the crumpled
cushion I held to my face,
doing my "Woe is me" act
(for the umpteenth time)--
After watching this old, old memory
of long ago love, I...  I knew.

I knew that holding onto a ghost
would only mean that next year,
I'd do it again.
I'd let memory leave me as
lonely and crumpled as that cushion.
Worn out, used up
and lost...again.


I need a new 'Leading Man'!

Oh, but there can't be another,
if I do not once and for all
Leave It Alone! Let it be!
Fling the damned thing out to sea!
Where they say there are a lot of other fish
waiting, so to speak
There may well be, but unless and until
I send him away (as he is long gone
and I am tired of that old dance anyway)--
no actor will fit the part.

And I am so tired of this film
I've left myself in.
And tired of looking at him
and of watching that long ago dance--
Weary of him and the love that is gone...
And this ghost I've had living with me.

It's time to let go.
It's over and done.
The End.

And it will be the end,
again and again, if I
keep recalling, remembering,
replaying, rewatching those
again and again!
of the last time
I saw him

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Reviewed by Tami Ryan 5/2/2004
So well expressed, Michele. The analogy of the tape is great. Toss the crumpled tape and move on. Excellent. Thank you.
Reviewed by Todd Cheney 4/1/2004
This reminds me of an old letter I found.
Reviewed by Erin Kelly-Moen 3/31/2004
Wow, Mich, this was gripping, rolling and oh, so poignant! An amazing piece of work, Mi. :)
Reviewed by jude forese 3/31/2004
i luv the fluidity in your style ...
Reviewed by Retta (Reindeer) Mckenzie 3/31/2004
This was so deeply moving, just touched my heart this evening, outstanding and so poignant,

Reviewed by La Belle Rouge (Reader) 3/31/2004
May that new leading man dance right into your film. So poignant and well penned. I love your work.
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