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Jennifer Jacobs

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Member Since: Jan, 2005

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Who Am I?
by Jennifer Jacobs

Sunday, January 09, 2005
Rated "G" by the Author.
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Recent poems by Jennifer Jacobs
•  A Clue
•  The Mystery
•  Heaven
•  Black Hole
•  The Ocean
           >> View all 96

Who am I?
What a meaningless question

Everything is a metaphor
It's all a poem
Hear it?
It sometimes tries to scare me
It sometimes tries to turn me into a machine
But sometimes…
it's amazing…

My situation
Can be summed up
Very succinctly:
I am completely insane
Off my rocker
Bats in the belfry
Crazy

But this story isn't about bats

It's about being rational--
I am so fucking rational…
It makes me seem weak
But…
It's a non-choice…
The opposite of rational
Is standing in a tiny room
Screaming the name at the top of my lungs

*************

I am upside down
Inside out
Waiting for you

My strength cannot falter
But it does when I sense you want me to fall
How can I understand?
Speak to me with your lips
Because otherwise how can I know how to be strong in my weakness and weak in my strength?

I don't know how to worship
I haven't practiced that skill
Gods have let me down, before…

But I can trust…
I trust you…
I'm just not sure there aren't others involved you cannot control
Maybe they love you as much as I do
Selfish, they want to keep you in your chains--forged by you
For them

Now
So afraid they'll lose you
The beautiful
The infinite

Don't they know
They'll be free
When you are free

*********************

Then, there are the seizures
Sweetly sweetly
Seized

I remember the first times
All I knew
(And I managed to convince those with me not to be scared--
How? Rational saves my life)
I couldn't let go of my friends
(I've had to make friends quick)
Or I would be
Lost in the circle

O
The circle
My life
My dreams
My savior
My lover
My lover…

And and and
(You'll be happy to know)
I don't have to let go of my friends

***********************

I am scared of psychiatrists
The drug mongers
The sweepers
Who encounter a universe
Listen to it
(One ear to the clock)
One hour a week

And prescribe a poison pill

Let us go, please
Talking is good
Diagnosing is…
Dead dust:
Don't you know?
Each of us already has a name
And I've never known anyone named
bipolar schizophrenic autistic nervous anxious depressed hysterical
Hysterical…
Yes, obviously, your "patients" are usually women

And we come and say
"Cure us, cure us, you want us to be cured"
Of what?
Being women?

Do you know what hysteria means?
I know…you could look it up…I just did
It's from the Greek for
Womb

***************************

Who are we?
We are the Woman
What do we want?
To be crazy hysteric ecstatic wild
Trusted

***************************

Maybe you should know
Words don't actually
Mean
Anything

They just are
They are because humans created them
To communicate with each other

We should release them
Let them make their way
Make their gorgeous way
Communicating
Implying
Being beautiful
And sneaky

Let me demonstrate:

God
Hates
Us

What does that
mean
You think
Resonate
Bounce around
Suspicion
Malice

Does it conjure anything?
Does it make it true ?

I don't know
You tell us

************************

I want to erase that
God
Hates
Us

Maybe this is hard
Maybe this is the hardest thing

He (with a capital H)
Is big
He's powerful
He created…

So where do we fit in?
Woman
I mean
(with a capital W)

Blasphemy--
It's a word
Too

Can we
Set the words free?
Set the women free?
Set God free?

**************************

I don't know a lot about religion
There's ritual
I know
horse head sacrifice vesper yoga veils for the women

There must be truth in there somewhere…

There's translation
Involved…
God's ears
To Muhammad
From Siva…
Edward Tynsdale…
The third english new vernacular from the king of something or another…

(Forgive me
I'm an American girl…I've been fed certain things)

There's the seven…
There's the two candlesticks olive trees…

There's the spirit
There are the planets
There are the senses…
One two three four five six seven…

(love love love love love love love)

*********************************

Are you tired yet?
Do you love yet?
You'll barely believe me,
But I have more…

I'll wait
I'll talk
I'll spill out words

Until everything comes together
And we're a circle

I trust the circle
There is binding
In a circle
It's round
There's connection
There's no way to come undone

But
Here
Wake up
There is joy in that circle

Release the rest
Why not?
What is there to lose?

You've understood more complicated things, I know
Do I have to say them?
For Christ's sake, we've dissected the body
The human body
Created by God
Into such little pieces
We can almost make changes to them!

So…
What about that circle
That beautiful circle
My precious…
(You've watched tv! You've seen the movie! You know!)
"It's mine"

But I'll share it

TAKE IT!

Have share take give love encourage love christ silver gold precious precious peace harmony music ecstasy rapture rapture rapture rapture rapture rapture…

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