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Daniel S. McTaggart

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A Change of Clothes, Eleven Dollars, and a Bucket of Chicken
by Daniel S. McTaggart

Saturday, January 22, 2005
Rated "PG" by the Author.
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My ex used to tell me
there were only three things
necessary for travel
from here to Kentucky.

And those three things are
a change of clothes,
eleven dollars,
and a bucket of chicken.

First I asked
if she had made the trip.
She said no
it was a friend of hers.

This friend made that trip
using only those items
and nothing else
from here to Kentucky.

This is what I asked her
and she nodded.
Of course, the next question was:
How did he get back?

At that she seemed confused.
She paused a moment
and actually stuttered
on the word "what."

It's really very simple.
He used three items to get
from here to Kentucky,
but if it's a round trip

shouldn't it be:
two changes of clothes,
twenty-two dollars,
and two buckets of chicken?

Did he use the eleven dollars
to buy the chicken?
Or did he have more money
just for the chicken?

And if so, shouldn't it be:
a change of clothes,
eleven dollars plus the cost of a bucket of chicken,
and a bucket of chicken?

And if it's a round trip:
isn't it two changes of clothes,
twenty-two dollars plus the cost of two buckets of chicken,
and two buckets of chicken?

And what reason did he have
for going to Kentucky?
It couldn't have been
for the chicken.

Then I saw the confusion
drain from her eyes
as they narrowed upon me
with that dagger gaze of hers.

An angry tear welled up
as she asked "why
must you insist upon
ruining this for me?!"

Ruin? Far from it.
I was more than impressed
that such an arduous undertaking
cost him only eleven dollars.

Plus the cost of a bucket of chicken.

She said "My friend
told me this super-cool story
of how he traveled
from here to Kentucky

on no more or less than
a change of clothes,
eleven dollars,
and a bucket of chicken.

And you have to pick it apart
and suck all the fun out of it.
I mean, can't you just accept
that it's just so fucking cool?"

You forgot the cost of a bucket of chicken.

"Oh, that's just junky!"
I could tell she was angry
because she was losing
the ability to curse.

She screamed "why don't you
go suck a plucky duck?!"
I thought then was the perfect time
for a peace offering.

I offered to buy dinner.
To which she was grudgingly amenable.
So I threw a change of clothes in the car
and went to Kentucky Fried Chicken.

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Reviewed by Ms Beeds 9/5/2008
I gotta say - you made me smile - and while doing nothing more that recreating a conversation that I am certain occurs btwn XX's and XY's everyday - chortle. Well done! I feel like I am living moments like this several times each day - most often at others expense - but what the hell - we only have to amuse ourselves!(Note: I am an XY masquerading as an XX - Laf! I should have been born a man!)
Reviewed by Chanti Niven 1/30/2005
hahahahaha wonderful witty piece Danny!
You are one of a kind mate!
Love Chanti
Reviewed by Retta (Reindeer) Mckenzie 1/27/2005
Oh dear, this was too funny, and too close to how someone I know is, very entertaining!

Reviewed by ~Indigo~ Elga 1/25/2005
Dear Danny,

Laugh a minute you are, wicked sense of humour. Since the title became almost like her mantra, it doesn't surprise she became your ex .... girlfriend, that is :) Love the last stanza !!

warm hugs
Reviewed by Phyllis Jean Green 1/25/2005
Funfuckingtastic! :)
Reviewed by Nila Jamier 1/25/2005

Thank you for reading my poem.
Reviewed by Katy Walsvik 1/25/2005
Faster than a speeding bullet! Able to leap tall stories in a single bound (unless it's round-trip) AND... craftier than a fox in a hen house... That's Super DannyMac! Yee-haaaaaa!

Jaysus, sweetie pie, do I see myself in this or what??!! hehe... analyze, proselytize, harmonize, simonize (??)... poke 'em in their irrational daze. You took the wind outta her sails and made me fall to the floor, weak with laughter. Gee, this was hilarious! katydid xox
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 1/24/2005
Hilariously done, Daniel. Thanks for the laughs. Love and peace. Regis
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 1/24/2005

An absolute riot. :) I've been to Kentucky, love, love, love it--and I'd go again in a minute! Thank you for this laugh filled journey--excellent!

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.

If yer gonna play the horses, you need more n' eleven dollars :)
Reviewed by Mitzi Jackson 1/24/2005
Reviewed by Mary Quire 1/24/2005
Speaking from a resident of Kentucky, I can tell you that the chicken can be found here, but I'm sure you could just turn a corner where ever you happen to be and find it there as well. As for the ten dollars, have you priced gasoline lately?

Reviewed by George Jackson 1/23/2005
Hahahaha great! Loved this.
Reviewed by E Detetcheverrie 1/23/2005
Huh...the last time I went to Kentucky, all it cost me was my job!

The chicken was great there, by the way.
Reviewed by Daniel McTaggart 1/23/2005
Hmm...I should probably clarify something here. When I say "ex", I mean "ex-girlfriend." I've never been married. Maybe her reactions here are somewhat exaggerated, but she really did have a friend who said he accomplished this. She thought that was so cool, the above title became like her mantra. Said it all the time. Yeesh.
Reviewed by Larry Rochelle 1/23/2005
Hope you threw in two changes of clothing?
Reviewed by jude forese 1/23/2005
LOL ... finger-licking good ...
Reviewed by Mr. Ed 1/23/2005
HO HO! Were you and I perhaps married to the same ex?!

But I must have mellowed in my old age, when my current wife tells a story like that - I now just say - very good!
Reviewed by Andy Turner (Reader) 1/23/2005
I'm laughing out loud.

Pure brilliance!

Thanks for the kick start..
Reviewed by Tinka Boukes 1/23/2005
Hahahahaha only you!!

Love Tinka
Reviewed by Carole Mathys 1/22/2005
it must be in the genes....still laughing...a great write for an X..
Reviewed by Sandy Knauer 1/22/2005
My question was where did this trip start? You could make it to Kentucky from Indiana without a change or clothes, any money or chicken. You wouldn't need the change of clothes to make it from Ohio, Tennessee, Missouri or Georgia either, but would probably need the eleven dollars, and maybe the chicken if coming from Georgia or Missouri. You let her off easy.
Reviewed by Kate Clifford 1/22/2005 are telling us this is how you became the ex? Thanks for the laughs :-)
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 1/22/2005
Hey, MP, whats wrong with you...? Hell, 11 bucks some clothes and a bucket of chicken is enough to live a life on...;) Was it regular or extra crispy chicken cause if it were either that could change the whole scenario...? Ed & Rufuz
Reviewed by Jerry Bolton (Reader) 1/22/2005
I think she owes YOU the dinner and a change of clothes for being such a snit about your perfectly honest questions.
Reviewed by Judy Lloyd (Reader) 1/22/2005
Okay now this is really funny and I would have asked the same question. Call me quirky that way. Actually here chicken costs about $14.00 and another thing was it Kentucky Fried Chicken?
Reviewed by E T Waldron 1/22/2005
I 'm laughing so hard I can't type! Okay now;-)
Wow!This is priceless. I agree with Sherry, you
would have to be an ex if you kept that up;-)!

Love, Eileen
Reviewed by Sherry Heim 1/22/2005
I can understand why you are her ex-husband, Daniel. She is a better woman than I though, I probably would have harmed you for ruining my story...I bet it wasn't the first or the last time you did it either. LOL...Men, Can't live with them, Can't shoot them.
Take care,

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