I do know my faults, my shortcomings
I see them every day in every mirror
That looks back at me.
And I pray to a God I struggle to believe in
To help me understand Him because
That is the only place I feel there
Is any hope for me, the only means
Of escape from this creative suicide.
This lingering pain that never rests for long…
And I say to my sponsor, my navigator
This is what I did today
This is who I hurt today
Why do I do these things?
How do I escape this bondage of self
I use as a mask to hide my compulsive
Inability to leave that bottle alone?
Pray, he says, the answers will come
Thy will, not mine, be done
And just keep coming back
You are not alone but you
Are sick of heart and must
Learn to ask for help and if He
Were small enough to understand, then
He would not be big enough to do the job.
Happiness is an inside job, he says, it is
There you must look if you wish to be free
Of the chains that bind you, it is our secrets
That makes us sick and you must let go of
The past, face the shadows that choke you
And force them into the light, growth is
Always painful but these are the lessons
That lead to the salvation of troubled souls.
And so I pray…
“This Bondage Of Self”