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Ed Matlack

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Take fourteen aspirin and call me in a week
by Ed Matlack

Saturday, February 26, 2005
Rated "G" by the Author.
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           >> View all 5,656

On vacation is my doc,
Hanging her tootsies off an island dock,
Soaking up the rays,
While here I sit and turn a nice shade of gray...

Take fourteen aspirin & call me next week…


My doctor is off on vacation,

For a week or more she will be gone,

She sent me to this guy she knows name of John,

He did prescribe for me some cod liver oil,

Now I am unable to leave the comfort of my john…


Flushing it all away,

That is what this John guy did say,

Get it out of your system this day,

So that tomorrow you will feel your old way…


No more headache; no more tummy ache,

Still though no desire to eat,

If I were on a diet this would be kinda neat,

I am sort of hungry, but through it would slide,

Can’t even go out to the store, can’t too far take a ride…


Fortunately I am off of work for the weekend,

This cold I do not want to for long befriend,

To my bowels I wish a message to send,

Please stop your flowing, even though of late you have been slowing,

I wish I knew in advance if this will work, yes I would then be knowing,

If in reality this guy name of John, is of me snowing…


You don’t think if my doctor recommended him,

That he would me be bamboozling,

I mean it feels so much like he has for me hoodwinked,

Telling me to use that slippery stuff called oil,

Now that my body does feel like it’s had its lube job,

Where do you suppose I look to change my filter,

Or do you think this guy just did take my money for nothing,

Did this guy when all is said and done just me rob…?

Scuse me while I run back to the john and sob…

          © ed ~ 2/26/05

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Reviewed by Katy Walsvik 2/27/2005
Now, now... cod liver oil, the wretched stuff, is the great Norwegian healer! We Vikings were made to swallow it throughout childhood for this malady and that... even hangnails, for god's sake! But we thrived and multiplied so there you are.......

When my mother came at me with that spoon filled with the oil, I hated it. But go ahead, Eddie M... look around you... see any puny, weak-kneed Vikings? Nope! So, plug your nose and swallow it! ICK! You have my deepest sympathy. Sigh......(thanks mom and dad?) katy xox (grin)
Reviewed by Tinka Boukes 2/27/2005
Oh shit...another shitty one...but one on the fastlane this time HUH??

Hope yoo feel perfect after your lubrication!!

Love Tinka
Reviewed by Kate Clifford 2/26/2005
Sometimes the best thing to do is to clear the system and start anew......but perhaps he forgot to tell you to start with soft food and veggie type stuff? and of course...........lots of water!
Reviewed by Judy Lloyd (Reader) 2/26/2005
No it won't last forever but gives hole new meaning to the saying full of s. I think you should try the green onions fried in bacon grease. It worked all the time for my mother. I once took a four way cold pill for a cold and it worked four ways.
Reviewed by Ron (sketchman) Axelson 2/26/2005
Your cold won't last forever, but I hope your humor does.
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 2/26/2005
awww, i hope you feel better! take care of yourself; you are in my prayers!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in tx., karen lynn. :(
Reviewed by Sue Hess 2/26/2005
we gave my sister-in-law cod liver oil thinking it would start her labor and it worked like this, she sat in the john and cussed us out all night and the next morning had the baby....well hell, it worked
Reviewed by Andy Turner (Reader) 2/26/2005
Cod liver and zinc, c'mon be good boy, take it like a man. With a spoon full of sugar..There there..

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