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+Steven Curtis Lance

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Fallen Star
by +Steven Curtis Lance

Monday, March 21, 2005
Rated "PG" by the Author.
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Recent poems by +Steven Curtis Lance
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"What does my life mean after all / After the fall after the fall?"

Fallen Star

Back from that unknown I called love
To this known of being alone
Back to what I have known above
All else since all else was a dream
And I was alone all along
Seems things are never what they seem
To be to me reality
Is an elusive quality

The one I sang of never was
How ridiculous a love song
Or if she was she was because
I wished and dreamed and hoped that she
Might be but I see I was wrong

Too old too poor too far away
She just got tired of me one day
Rejecting me electing he
Who purchased her propinquity

Destined for ashes without graves
And doomed as I am just the same
They bought no freedom they are slaves
But she is his that is if she
Is at all whatever her name

Back from that unknown I called love
I have never been this alone
As dream turns nightmare push to shove
And soft sweet flesh to hard sour stone
As cornered now the mind gives way
Yet stings with folly sharp and stark
Nothing but sorry left to say
As stars fall and the world grows dark

A tattoo has been born again
Which once marked my not being free
Even as one once loved once slain
Transformed in its symbology
The star is fallen from the sky

A trail of fire rains in its wake
Where once it bore her name so high
Forsaken now thus I forsake
As she lies in the arms of he
Who kept his word that he would take
The one I dreamed I loved from me

She broke my heart and thus I break
The spell the hold of hell which she
Held me within her web of lies
As falls the star so would I be
Deceived no longer as I rise

Now ripen fruits of bitterness
Ever more bitter never less
When will this rock to gold refine
This vinegar ferment to wine?

I hate but will I hate them still
As spring warms sink beneath the chill
Of lost love never found again
Or is there yet an end of pain
If only by the trembling hand
Of one who failed to understand
That life is not fair after all
After the fall after the fall?

Calling on the phone alone
Holding only a phone
No one wants propinquity
To madness nor to me

Only answering machines

I understand now what this means
In darkness here I sense the fear
Of those who were once near and dear
As they all back away from me
And as I feel myself alone
On the lonely end of the phone

How empty now to realize
They wish that I would go away
Behind civility's disguise
I wish I had their strength today

Their machines are chirping hello
I am calling to say goodbye
But I am the last to know
To face the lie and die

So life was not fair after all
What does my life mean? It means
I face the lie and die
Fallen so far my fallen star
Chirping answering machines
After all chirp after the fall
Hello! Hello! Goodbye
My fallen star fallen so far!

What does my life mean after all
After the fall after the fall?

+Steven Curtis Lance

Copyright MMV

+Steven Curtis Lance

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Reviewed by Chanti Niven 3/30/2005
This is the first time I've read this poem. I've been catching up on all that I've missed. I know that you've reached my answering machine and that makes me feel sad. I picked up the messages after you left them and was frustrated that you'd tried me at times when I was not able to take your calls. I know that you must have felt that I was withdrawing but this is not true. I tried to be a support through all the trauma you went through. It was hard knowing that you were suffering so much and feeling helpless to do more than be an ear and pray. You must have felt abandoned when during your darkest hour, I was no longer around. I've been going through my own stuff but you were always in my thoughts and my prayers Stevie as you are now. Please accept my apologies.
The poem is superb as is all your work and seen now in the light of your later more positive poems, I am proud of how far you've come. Nobody can keep a good man down. Stand tall and keep the faith.
With love from a distant but caring friend... Chanti
Reviewed by Pier Tyler 3/25/2005
With so many stars in this lonely state, why is it that all the lonely stars can't find each other? Don't give up, never. Today may be "the" day. If not today, keep tomorrow ever looking. Your star is nearer than you think.
Reviewed by Debra Barone 3/25/2005 is now Good Friday. This poem speaks so much of heart ache; but if we do not feel pain how can we ever realize joy?
Reviewed by jude forese 3/21/2005
after the fall we have but little choice but to look up ... be well ...
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 3/21/2005
The healing of this is within you, Stevie. Believe me. I have to convince myself of this as well. Take care of yourself. Love, peace and strength to you. Regis
Reviewed by L. Figgins 3/21/2005
Suicide is the devil's lair, laughing as he snatches our golden souls. I have known people who it was said struggled to live after making that decision, not able to loose the rope around their necks or vomit the poison before it entered their bloodstreams. And others who were playing at death with what they thought was an empty gun. Damn it, life is precious! We do not have the right to take it. Don't even joke at this Steven! Don't base your self-worth on someone else. Love yourself as God loves you. Why would He create a genius just to see him take his own life as if it were shite. Your hope is right here in front of you. You are a writer. You are here to inspire the world. Yes, it can be a dark and cold place. That is why it needs YOU. Don't deny yourself or the world your destiny. Had to give you some tough love, Steven. No woman on earth is worth your life. Most everyone here can tell you horror stories of what they've been through in their lives. They are still here and stronger for it. What makes you the exception?! Felix just gave you a few good reasons to persevere...
Reviewed by Felix Perry 3/21/2005
This is a beautiful write Steven but I sure hope it is not based on reality. You have a talent that is too special to waste it on suicide as you suggested it was meant for. I am sure that of the million stars in the sky if you give it time another will rise in your favour and your poetry will smile once more. Hang in there brother.
Reviewed by Edwin Larson 3/21/2005
Well Done!! I read this over a few times and enjoyed it more with each read..Good job..

Reviewed by Judy Lloyd (Reader) 3/21/2005
Well find another star and latch onto it. Because this is a real masterpiece of your poetry. Sometimes the fall from one star means you land on another. Be well Steve.
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