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Mr. Ed

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Member Since: Apr, 2003

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· My Dog Is My Hero

· Where The Redwing Sings

· Through Katrina's Eyes, Poems from an Animal Rescuer's Soul

· Mystery of Madera Canyon

· Cemetery Island

· Gold River Canyon

· Curious Creatures - Wondrous Waifs, My Life with Animals

Short Stories
· The Easter Skunk

· The Dog At The Drive-Thru Window

· Home For The Holidays

· Two Bonded Street Orphans, In From The Cold

· A Survivor's Tale

· Pigs, Turtles, and Bugs!

· Gentle Cemetery Dog Finally Safe

· Freezing, Starving, and Scared

· A Home For The Holidays

· The Dog On The Tracks

· June is 'Adopt A Cat Month'

· I Am a Dog, Not a Thing

· Ghost Dog Rescued From Hot Dog Stand

· February is 'National Spay/Neuter Awareness' Month

· The 2014 Home 4 The Holidays Campaign

· Saving Our Canine Vets, This Veterans Day

· November is 'Adopt-A-Senior-Pet' Month

· National Pit Bull Awareness Day

· Keep Your Pets Safe This Halloween

· October is 'Adopt-A-Dog' Month

· Their Abysmal Fourth of July

· Rainy Day Walkabout

· My Buddy

· It's Pet Appreciation Week

· Another Lesson From A Dog

· Just Nature

· It's Poppy Time Once More

· Please Don't Worry So Much, H.P.

· Meatloaf Matlack

· A Walk With Dogs

         More poetry...
· Chicken Soup for the Soul: Loving Our Dogs

· The Daily Mews

· Where The Redwing Sings

· Another Review For Curious Creatures-Wondrous Waifs

· Recipient of the 2006 Merial Human-Animal Bond Award

· International Writing Award

· My Animal Book Wins an Award

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Books by Mr. Ed
  One Lump or Two?
by Mr. Ed
Friday, March 25, 2005
Rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Mr. Ed
•  Their Abysmal Fourth of July
•  Rainy Day Walkabout
•  My Buddy
•  It's Pet Appreciation Week
•  Another Lesson From A Dog
           >> View all 1,522



“I’ve lost my mind,

Or my mind’s lost me.”


Andy James Turner


“Well, it’s Ok for Ed to get his removed,

But I want mine replaced – with bigger ones!”


Kate Burnside



I went in for a routine surgical procedure

To have a lump removed from my head

But just before the gas put me to sleep

I swear this is what my wife said


“Doctor, besides removing that nasty lump,

Can you also do another little thing or two?

Like making him more prone to my commands,

And like inserting this giant mind control screw?”


They haven’t let me look into any mirrors yet

But my lovely wife says that I look really good

And for some reason I’m beginning to believe her

Since quite oddly I now think all husbands should


And Nurse Ratched did give me a nice donut

When I woke up from my gaseous stupor

And all the women around this hospital

Do claim that I now look really really super


But my wife keeps laughing quite hysterically

At Little Andy’s heartfelt Eulogy/Good Wishes

And she’s insisting that I should be laughing too

But I’m afraid I might bust open some of these stitches


I’m also beginning to wonder just a little

Why they have now chained me to this bed

And I swear that I thought my name was Eddie

But they all keep calling me ‘Franken Ed’ instead


Thank You One and All

For Your Very Kind Wishes

My wife claims that I’ll be just fine

Once these screws stop their bloody itches



“Nurse, can I have another donut, please?!”


“No, Franken Ed; go to sleep now.”


“Yes, Nurse Ratched.”



©2005, Franken Ed Kostro



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Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner

Laffing too hard to properly review--you, my dear, are a mess :)

(((HUGS))) and hope you're feeling better soon!

love, Karla. :)
Reviewed by Katy Walsvik
You are as gracious as you are hilarious, me little Little Eddie (is that redundant?)hmmmm. Look at all the fussing you have endured and here you are, accepting it and (I assume) smiling your lump-free smile.

Of course I worried... of course I bit nails and waiting, breath fully baited, for word that you had, indeed, survived the AXE! Good Grief!

For me, it ended up being all about those roots and your enthusiasm for 'bringin' it all back home...' Sigh... is it soup, yet? (grin) katy xox
Reviewed by Handsum Hart
A cute piece, get well soon.

Happy Easter
Reviewed by E T Waldron
Frankeneddie, I wish you could see my big smile!;-)
You are the greatest! Taking what others would be
moaning over and turning it into a humerous horror
flick. I can see you as Gene Wilder;-)You are still
in my prayers.I hope you,Rebecca, and your menagerie
enjoy the Easter holiday! Great poem;-)!
Reviewed by Patrick McCormick
Very humourous Ed. I enjoyed it very much. I fI need any proceedures done I'll go to the hospital on my own.

Reviewed by Anna Marie Fritz (Reader)
Welcome to the club, Eddie!
Hope you're back to your chipper self, first rate, top drawer
and all that rot, as Andy might say.
I think.
Reviewed by Tiana ~ (Reader)
Great to see you back and so glad you're better :) Happy Easter ...
Reviewed by Nordette Adams
Well, Franken Ed, I'm glad you pulled through fine and they didn't remove your sense of humor. :-D Your wife is some kind of woman. Hehehehe. ~~Nordette
Reviewed by Jennifer Ragan (Reader)

I'm glad your surgery was a sucess. This was fun to read...

Thanks for the laugh,
Reviewed by Tinka Boukes
I just hope those sappy lip was not part of the removal did nothing wring Lettle Ediie...that I can
asure you...refering to your previous comment!!

The only thing you can do wrong now is screwing up the wrong screw after this little visit to that medical "Madhouse"..yikes they did a BAD job by the looks of the better sue that doctor...he stole your sexappeal!!


Love TinkyPOOOHit
Reviewed by George Jackson
LOL!! Excellent, and I liked your reference to Ken Kesey (spelling?)as well.
Reviewed by Regis Auffray
Thank you for sharing your creative humor, Ed. Love and peace to you. Regis
Reviewed by A Serviceable Villain

Superb poem my friend ... greatly enjoyed this one from beginning to end ... Bravo!!

Best regards,

Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
excellent write, ed; very well done!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in tx., karen lynn. :D
Reviewed by Kate Clifford
LOL at Linda's remarks :-) Enjoyed this cute write.
Reviewed by L. Figgins
Thanks Ed! Just the humor I needed with my morning coffee. While reading this, for some reason I heard the voice from "The Monster Mash" reciting it...
Reviewed by Ed Matlack
I hope you like those special screws, they are stainless steel and gold plated, as I sent them out special for your head... Don't worry about looking in the mirror Ed, you were ugly enough before, you don't want any more bad luck than you got now...Ed
Reviewed by Sue Hess
i can't decide if you are really having a procedure done or just playing around. either way, my thoughts are with you and where your wife found that screw
Reviewed by Henry Stevens
Lot's of fun, get well soon. Henry
Reviewed by m j hollingshead
best wishes on a speedy recovery, enjoyed the read
Reviewed by OnepoetGem *the Poetic Rapper
Funny Ed, if you're serious about your bumps I hope things will be okay. G
Reviewed by Sherry Heim
I am glad you are doing well, Ed. Having just seen the play "One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest" again recently, you did set my mind to wandering with this little gem.
Take care,
Reviewed by Andy Turner (Reader)
You blighter, I wasted all that money getting a condolence card from the pound shop. And I can't even get the stamp off.

I think they chained you at Rebecca's wishes. Nudge nudge wink wink say no more.

All of AD had a whip round, then after that fun, we had a collection, I think we almost made a dollar, give or take a dollar.

You sure look well Ed. (stifles laughter)

Well Glad your 'Ed is all better now.....Honest..(Sneaks back the royalties of Mr Piddles, back in to the cookie jar)
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