In Honor of the Last Star Wars Movie,
And Based on a True Story
Of Two Devilish Marauding Canines,
And the Valiant Felines Who Fought Back
Whenever You Are Down
And You Feel There Is No Hope
Remember This Tale
A short time ago, in a galaxy not that far away, trouble was brewing on the planet Catnip. Its gentle, wise, contemplative, and cerebral feline residents were under attack from the evil Canine Empire. And, they were fraught with worry.
The serene residents of Catnip were accustomed to peace, tranquility, and the finer things in life. They had long ago given up lives of violence, hatred, and aggression.
They had evolved.
In their advanced, enlightened stage, however, they were totally unprepared to wage war of any sort. They were certainly not prepared to face the onslaught of the evil Canine Empire.
One of the Empire’s many subjects, the tiny Bark Invader known as Chicus Blancus, had lived among them for several years, but she had been vastly outnumbered and outmaneuvered since she had arrived. She had never been a serious threat to their continued tranquility.
But unbeknownst to these residents of Catnip, the cunning Bark Invader had been plotting a desperate takeover for quite some time. She had also been doggedly seeking a canine cohort to assist her in this dastardly plot.
Now, she had finally found one; and, she had done her homework extremely well. She had enlisted the services of a giant, evil, marauding canine known throughout the galaxy for his crude, barbaric, uncivilized ways. She had enlisted – Darth Turbonius – a black-hearted canine ruffian from a distant desert world.
The residents of Catnip were now doomed. Sadness and hopelessness now filled their once extremely happy feline world.
But, luckily, a heroic feline leader soon stepped forward amidst this great turmoil and unrest. He had arrived from his home word of Felinia; and his name was CatEye Master Boda Buddy.
From the moment he declared war on the evil Canine Empire, all the residents of Catnip knew that if any feline in the entire galaxy could possibly save them, it was Master Boda Buddy.
His fame and his legend were known far and wide. He was simply a genius at war strategy and tactics. He also had a strange mystical aura about him. The benevolent feline gods had definitely bestowed the ancient ‘Feline Force’ upon him.
Princess Gabriella immediately summoned Master Boda Buddy to her Kitty Kastle and implored him to address the Catnip Grand Council to reassure them that he could help in their dire plight.
Master Boda readily agreed; and he gave a fine speech that day about the nobility of the ancient feline race and its overwhelming capacity to survive against any and all odds.
Before long, each and every Catnip resident was feeling much better.
Master Boda Buddy also soon initiated his great CatEye Knight training program. Princess Gabriella’s own step brother, Prince Montgomery Catwalker, soon became Boda’s finest student, and a great warrior and leader in his own right.
Young Tuffy Mouse-Catcher also soon became a proficient warrior, as did CatEye Apprentice Jessie Jouster, Prince Monty’s second in command.
Master Boda taught all of his pupils extremely well. He taught them how to use their speed, their wits, their keen eyesight, their sheer numbers, and of course, their superior intelligence, against this barbaric, uncivilized canine attack.
Before long at all, the CatEye Knights were ready to launch their very noble counter attack.
Unfortunately, the Great War waged on for months. Sometimes it appeared that no progress was being made at all. The tiny Bark Invader and the gigantic Darth Turbonius kept coming and coming.
They would nip, bite, bark, and run. They would raid the sacred Catnip food piles. They would steal priceless Catnip treasures. And, they would hide in ambush and snarl hideously. They were relentless.
But the ancient Feline Force had definitely returned to the residents of Catnip, and their hearts were brave and true and strong. They fought on and on, and somehow, they persevered.
Their bravery, patience, and endurance were finally rewarded one great and fateful afternoon at the Historic Battle of Litter Box Hill.
Prince Montgomery Catwalker and his CatEye Knights surrounded, faced down, and finally defeated, the cunning Bark Invader and the evil Darth Turbonius.
Master Boda Buddy, himself, was summoned to confront the two fallen canine villains. A hush enveloped Catnip as Master Boda sagely contemplated their fate.
In his great feline wisdom, Boda Buddy did not order these two canines killed or even banished from the kingdom. He had decided to allow them to remain on Catnip and to live in peace with its feline residents, if they would vow in their canine hearts and souls to give up their evil barking, biting, raiding ways.
Both the tiny Bark Invader and the giant Darth Turbonius immediately agreed.
Even though they were only canines, they were both smart enough to know when they were licked!
- And May The Force Be With You, Too -
©2005, Ed Kostro