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It is sometimes easier to stay angry then to feel the pain..

You just threw away your entire life.
Lived as if you had no children or wife.
Why weren't we enough to make you stay?
Answer, to that question I will never hear you say.
I hated you for so long.
I etched into my brain everything that you did that was wrong.
It was easier to just stay mad.
I could not handle the pain of feeling that sad.
You were, after all everything that was good.
I held you a higher pedestal then anyone should.

I was going to church on early Sunday morn,
You were stumbling home with smile well worn.
Had so much love for the bottle
You never grew up and expected to be cottled.
I never spoke one good word about you after you died.
Let's face it there was so much plenty of dirt so I never lied.
Never told anyone how you were so smart.
Never whispered I was his princess, I owned his heart.

Didn't spoke about you singing about my blue eyes.
I was mad that you just up and left me with so many whys.
Damn you, I loved you more anyone.
But I could not forgive you for what you had done.
You hurt me so bad but I kept those feelings to myself.
Any tears that ever fell, were wept with much stealth.
I became judge and jury in the way that you lived.
I honestly never knew forgiveness was not mine to give.

I felt so much arrant pain that I needed to hide.
My feelings like shard glass and hard to abide.
So many promises forever remain broken.
All my questions to you shall remain unspoken.
Daddy to a little girl..but now I am all grown.
Guess you will reap all that you have sown.
You will never see your grandaughters and that is your loss.
Made your bed, layed in it, and this my Father, is the cost.

It was never about me, it was always you.
I lived a lifetime before I knew that was true .