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Debashish Haar

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Member Since: Oct, 2005

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A Journey
by Debashish Haar
Rated "G" by the Author.
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Recent poems by Debashish Haar
•  The Segmented
•  Repetition
•  Synesthesia
•  Imaginary Land
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           >> View all 146

Advanced Critique is more than welcome.

Confused in memory mansions,
I walk among the images of an eye
that lost its memory
planted in the abyss:
a spiral mirror where
from the beginning a toy is falling.
The chasm where a whole desert falls,
counting time from the beginning.
The dome of my account,
where the dust pulses
and water rises.

Following this meandering phrase
I drift away from myself.
My shadows fall…
The path is now made of rocks and massifs
where words gleam under the shadows,
and the black tide of syllables
covers the page, sinking its ink seeds
into the bed of language.
I find me planted in the middle of an eye,
watching me in its blank stare…


 



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Reviewed by Sherry Heim
Poetry is always subjective, Calvin, what one sees clearly another sees as surreal. The brief nature of thoughts used in poetic content leaves much of the "meaning" to the reader. I think that is why Andre spoke of the full breath; it seems to force the thought of the author more by making a bit of a more powerful statement. All this aside, and I am not a schooled poet, so take my criticisms with a grain of salt, I enjoyed this offering and the vision that propells the eye with the command from the spirit.
Take care,
Sherry
Reviewed by Tinka Boukes
The vision from a staring eye...window to the soul...captured to perfection!!

Amazing imagery most vivid to the mind deep within the corners of the skull!!

Love Tinka
Reviewed by Debashish Haar
Andre, thank you for your spot on comment. Yes, perhaps you are absolutely correct about the enjambment decisions. But then normally I enforce them at places where you get maximum tension of thought, but as you say one should consider the "poetry of the ear" which is more ancient and more fundamental than the "poetry of the mind" or the "poetry of the eye". Thank you so much for your indepth crit..Thanks to Eileen and Abherjani for dropping into my port. Yes, friends, a surreal element is there, but then they have a nihilistic intention. But then I should bring the sonic strength, which Andre pointed out to make it appear more natural.

Thanks once again,
Calvin-n-Hobbes
Reviewed by E T Waldron
I agree with Aberjhani Calvin...a beautifully surreal vision within the eye of the beholder that speaks of ever evolving lucidity...
Mountains high enough to need oxygen...Eileen
Reviewed by Aberjhani
Powerfully visionary and surrealistic in its layering of metaphorical imagery. The allusion to mansions in the first line recalled, for me, the biblical quote, "There are many mansions in my father's house," a statement I have always preferred to interpret metaphysically as implying numerous possible states of expanded consciousness. Thus, from the first line onward I found myself humming to the rhythms of a shifting awareness, in turns contracting toward self-confrontation, and flowing outward, expanding or "journeying" if one will, toward healing in the form of elevated clarity. A JOURNEY made for an absorbing read to say the least.
Reviewed by Andre Bendavi ben-YEHU

Harmony flows through a rich imagery depicting the contents of
"A Journey" on the philosophic-poetic world.

I enjoyed the reading of "A Journey".

Keep posting, Poet!


Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
P.S.:>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>The first stanza could be revised to improve its sound from the third to the fifth lines. (In a free verse the line must take full breath.)


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