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Meredith Dixon

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Member Since: Oct, 2005

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Let's Do It For The Kids
by Meredith Dixon
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Rated "PG13" by the Author.
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Recent poems by Meredith Dixon
•  The Final Crushing of a Child
•  Remember I Was There
•  Holy Stones
•  A Mother's Prayer
•  We Wait For You
           >> View all 102

Dear Dad,
Just wanted you to know
that our firstborn son
left home again today.

I know that you don't have much to say
I know that you are pained by me
you would rather read this another day
but I have something to say

I am sorry.
I was wrong.
Not about us or you
but the way
I always said, "my sons."

They were yours, too.
But when you slammed that door for the final time
you made them mine.

My sons.
You would be so angry
and now I see why.

Despite the pain
it's still here for me in my head
and I know you are afraid
to talk to me.

So I write to tell you
that I am sorry for the
way I treated you.

I did stick up for you as their Dad
when the money never came
when others had to feed them.
I was so scorned
and you will never know
that I knew the pain you were in.
I wasn't going to let them talk about their Dad that way.
Who were they to say?

You were there at the beginning
and you were the best Father I had ever known.
Your love surrounded us
I was truly happy being your wife
the bubble burst
when in your sorrows you would drown.

The nights waiting
the tragedies anicipating
actually came true
as I imploded all over you.
I made quite a mess
I will confess
Didn't mean to
It just happened.

You couldn't take it
you tried to fake it
I understand now why.
Remember it was five months before I could even cry.
You hid my sorrow.
You kept it private.
Like two thieves we conspired.
But that was then
This is now

You have your sons
They are yours
and I know that you tell them lies.

It still hurts to know you stab me
in the back
and smile at me to my face.

But I still have to say to you
I am sorry that I took them away
and called them my own
and left you out.

Pretended you were not there
Thrilled you were not there
Looked for others to be their Dad.
I confess it all to you now.

But here you are and you are really buddies.
But it's not working for me
and it won't be working for them
I can see it coming
oh, won't you please listen this time?

I miss being able to tell you
I am sad
I need to cry
Only you would understand why
our Baby boy who became our love
he's leaving, don't you get it?
We need him
Aren't you crying too?

I know you want him to stay
you need him, too.
Why can't we share the pain and divide it and burn it
and blow all of the ashes away?
I mean, really,
shouldn't we, couldn't we,
after all of these years?

Share the pain and the sorrow
there might not be a tomorrow
let's get through this mistrust
let's get past all of these lies
let's forgive each other and be wise
for them.
They are having to be too put upon.
They need to feel freer.
This is what I see.
What do you see?
I mean, honestly?
No one is looking,
no one is listening but me.
Please tell me the truth
and let's get this misery and pain over with.
If not for me, for the sons.

Let me tell you this
I will be honest
it was me
who betrayed you
it was me
who let you down.

So please forgive
and you will see
I am still here
for you
as your true friend.

Hear my heart
hear my plea
I beg of you
let's agree.

We love them so
don't we know!
let's share them
and keep the pain
of the past
out of their lives.

It would set you free
and me, too
but more importantly, them.

I will stop yelling
I will stop what I can
and forgive
if you promise not to hurt me again.

Treat me right
I am their Mother
and I know you love this little girl
she loves you, too
she is needing you.

Don't be afraid
Don't turn away.
I am confessing my heart to you.

Then there is Jane.
She is their Mom, too
I admit
that I was jealous at first
but she is good
and she has been there for them
she put you on the right track, too, Baby!

So please stop interfering when we talk
please give me back the friends you took away somehow.
You know which ones
the ones who I didn't tell the truth to
because I wanted to protect you
because I wanted to protect us.
I even wanted to protect them.

It's all in the past
This is now
I know I am asking too much
but others have done this
can't we try?
Your Mom would be so happy
and so would I.
Let's do it for the kids.

I see it tearing them apart.
A grandchild or two may be on their way soon.
Let's show those precious ones
what we showed children years ago.
Remember who we were and what we did.
The goodness of it all
the time before the fall.

I know it isn't like some reunion.
I know it's not ideal
but let's give them what we have
united for the sake of their love
honoring all that went before.

We can agree to disagree
Can you hear my heart?
Don't tear it apart, please
I am on my knees
begging you
let's be there for them
as a Family

Dear One who was my All
It was quite a big fall
I am up but not that well
please don't send me to that hell

of not knowing
of not seeing
of not being with the ones I love
it's in your court
I'll wait to hear
between the beer
your true heart.

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Reviewed by Felix Perry 1/28/2006
An interesting write though a little long, it tends to tell a story of love and marraige gone bad but still maybe not all the eway over at least from one point of view/

Reviewed by Regis Auffray 1/28/2006
Separation from loved ones is indeed a most painful predicament. Your emotions come through powerfully in this piece, Meredith. Love, peace, and strength to you,

Reviewed by Shoma Mittra 1/28/2006
lovely touching write. And i tend to agree with George. it wd make a series of short strongly emotive poems
Reviewed by George Carroll 1/28/2006
Again the length of this poem is a draw back but not the emotions expressed.
I think you could make this into a number of short poems expressing each flaw in you and your x's relationship and how it can affect your daughter's future happiness and yours. Only a suggestion.

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