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Meredith Dixon

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The Pain Within
by Meredith Dixon

Sunday, January 29, 2006
Rated "PG" by the Author.
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Recent poems by Meredith Dixon
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           >> View all 102

When did this pain start in my heart?
It seems so long ago
and then it leaves,
returns again to haunt me

I pamper it so
rest it in bed
give it vitamins
tell it everything is all right

Nothing I do
not even a nap
or yoga, too
a walk in the park

Nothing will take it away
it follows me around
and waits for me
never to leave

Sometimes I wake up
it seems gone for good
I am so excited
to live without this pain

But I turn the corner
and there it is again
waiting for me
like some form of disease

Psychological, physical,
emotional, spirtual all rolled into one
stab in the chest
let it rest

I do but then
it chases me down
no matter where I hide
or what doctor I see

It's always there waiting for me
It isn't your fault
nor mine either
though sometimes we know what can make it so much worse
I do believe that I have been given a curse

The cure seems non-existant
the medicine helps
Love heals it somewhat
but still it comes to rob me of my joy

If it was just me
than this I would be
and just take it and live with it
But it spills it's way into others' lives
and can hurt them so

Which is worse?
I don't know
it pains me so
to see it hurt you
but it's hurting me so.

Hiding it or telling you about it
Doesn't seem to affect it
so I have given up trying to expain it
given up with the puzzle of it

If ever a day comes
that it goes away
I will pray for many thanks to God
and tell everyone that this is the day
I have been waiting for years for

A hidden life no more
A life broken into segments by pain
A life having to fight fear
Not a tear
will I shed
when this curse
is put to bed

I can go on and live
and be able to give and give without fear
and seek out others
to share the possible rememdy
No one should have to live with this pain

I wait quietly
I wait loudly
I fight hard
I fight every day
to keep this away

Please leave me alone
what is there to atone?
why must I pay for the past?
I wait til the last

Deeper than anyone knows
how dark this illness goes
Higher than anyone could imagine
the joy when I go into remission

I want to be just like you
away from the madness it contains
the fear, the embarrassment, the stigma
of it all
This robber of joy
oh, it's very coy

I can watch for it coming
prepare for it's onslaught
but all for naught
it comes back into me
and I just have to be

Just have to live with it
So sometimes when I am gone
It's just this thing I have unknown
and I am resting until
it has it's fill
and leaves me alone

The pain in my chest
causes more hurt than a broken heart
why it's centered there is so ironic
it stabs and it burns
it frightens me so
but then I go slow

Can't explain it anymore
take a look at my life
look at my pale face
see how it is
but you can't take it away
it's not contagious but it scares you,
please don't be afraid
to ask me to live

Normal I want to be
even though this demon is living in me
I wait upon the Lord
and pray for a reprieve

I do not deceive
the evidence is there
it's not that rare
but it seems so to me
that I am the only one
with it
and I hate it so
I pray for it to go.

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Reviewed by Regis Auffray 1/30/2006
Love, peace, and healing to you, Meredith.

Reviewed by Felix Perry 1/30/2006
Pain so much of our life, but without it we could not have so many things Merideth, the pain of childbirth brings us our beautiful children, the pain of studying and cramming in school brings us an education, the pain of working till our backs ache puts a roof over our heads and food in our belly, the pain of heartache prooves to us that we have loved and the pain of illness proves to us that we have lived. Enjoy the pain and know you earned the reward.

Reviewed by Kate Clifford 1/29/2006
Well step number one......acknowledge it, and you have done this extremely well, step two reflect upon it and see it for its lessons. Step 3 thank it for the lessons you have learn. Step 4 let it go with blessings. Not easy. Wish you luck :-)

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