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Meredith Dixon

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The Mother's Lament
by Meredith Dixon
Monday, March 06, 2006
Rated "PG13" by the Author.
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Recent poems by Meredith Dixon
•  The Final Crushing of a Child
•  Remember I Was There
•  Holy Stones
•  A Mother's Prayer
•  We Wait For You
           >> View all 102

That pain in my heart
because we are so far apart
it's your choice
I never raised my voice
to complain
of your constant care
that once was there
the shred of sharp glass
that tiny, deadly dart
resides within
and moves around
with every beat
I am left incomplete
except for the stain of my blood.

Your love you deny
you don't see me cry
why would you mete out
such punishment?
Might as well bury me in cement,
covering my entire body and soul
in some deep, dark hole
But the lament will continue
for as long as I breathe.

The child that you were
has become a man too sharp for me
never stopping to ask why
or what or whom
"Just do it this way"
that is what you always say
or that is what I hear.

I obey so willingly
your love I desire again and to me
you are the first love of my life
but this strife
is killing my head.

How does it go from the heart
to the head?
Why do I wish I were dead?
When you disapprove of me in that way
you would think that you were King
and I, your chattel
as you look upon your Kingdom
and frown at the mess
in my hovel and home.

I wait to hear kind crumbs
from the man who was my Babe
the one who I nursed through the night
with every fright
you disapprove of me so
I can't take it anymore, don't you know?

This unspoken penalty for doing wrong
did not come with a glad song
Please let me know when I will be free
and can breathe once again.

You don't listen........
I could say so much
but why?
You won't see my hot tears glisten
I hide them within
my lament that is loathed
your flinching and tense jaws
tell all that I need to know
it's done for now
you have to go.

No time for us
no time for love
no time for healing
no time for crying
no time for forgiveness
no time for tears
no time for one real touch
you despise it so much.

Upon my face
this empty space
the body I call home
a black, cold void
why do you avoid


It all adds up
to nothing that I can see
except for some human error
on my part
and for your part
I see chastisement
and scolding
seething anger from you
at a Mother so inept.

How have I kept
you this far
when I am so ignorant
and unkempt?

For so long now
I have begged
on my knees have I prayed
but you continue to stay away.

To visit in fifteen or twenty minutes
is a pleasure rare
a treasure lair
your precious minutes of time
ticking away.

I hear the ticking
as my life is flickering
it's all for naught
no matter what I taught
it's gone for good.

My heart ticking away
away from you
doomed never to know
the joy we once shared
the love we had so sweet.

My little son and me
No more hugs and kisses
No more loving wishes
and prayers
upon my head
or yours.

I lost the one
who was always there
I have lost my heart
he was just standing here
looking at me with adoring eyes
but the devil's lies
took him away
along with my careless mistakes.

I think this will be the undoing of me
all these breaks
of love
these mistakes of me
all that you see
is the pain
on my face
I have come undone
from my little one.

never more protecting
the life we once knew
to a pain so few
could ever bear
the labor before was a snap
compared to this
nightmarish fair
of insanity and games
I will name no names.

Only my own will do
I take it all for you
and would again
but it's true
that if I had the chance
I would explain it to you
from the start
like it was.

Here in my broken heart and head
I exist, almost dead
there is love down the road
if we ever meet
Will you acknowledge me
as you walk down the street?

The Bag Lady
who seems without a care
is your Mother there
shuffling along
to a tune in her head
and a cramped shard in her heart.
All for the light
she may find
in a treasure found in a tin can
or the trash
give the poor lady some cash.

She is fading out fast
her toothless smile
will not beguile
her pain she carries within
or the load she has on her shoulders
the burden of life
once given so freely
is measured out now
in dark alleys and dirty streets.

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Reviewed by Phyllis Jean Green 3/7/2006
H e a r t b r e a k i n g.
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 3/7/2006
Imbued with deep sorrow but powerfully expressed. Love and peace to you, Meredith.

Reviewed by Andre Bendavi ben-YEHU 3/7/2006

It is a deep and sorrowful story, but it is a glowing writing.
"The Mother's Lament" is a picture of reality giving the reader
the profile of miscommunication in a meaningful poem delivered.

Keep posting, Poet.

Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
Reviewed by Felix Perry 3/6/2006
Sad but intense write.

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