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Paul Williams

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  That Bloke From Hell
by Paul Williams
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Paul Williams
•  Disturbing Ovid 2013
•  Hideous spirit
•  Rising
•  Walking with Ghosts Pts 1&2
•  My Sweet Idiom
           >> View all 102

This oldie has had a re-write, a bit of satanic satire...the Devil is an Englishman lol.

That Bloke from Hell


‘Are my thoughts collected?

No, they’re all over the place as you can tell,

if you’re wondering about the smell?

Sorry!  That’s me, the Anti-Christ…The Beast…

you know? That bloke from Hell.


One has to use brimstone to keep up appearances

it’s expected you see,

it’s kind of like an abstract association

so you know it’s me…


err…call me cynical, and I don’t mean to wax lyrical,

but don’t you think the ‘Lesser Key of Solomon’

conjuration should have been critical?

No wonder my head’s spinning.


you people really are incorrigible

you’ve always been a little kitsch,

never mind, I thought the gerbil sacrifice was a bitch.


Right! What do you want? ...sorry! What’s that…?

You’d like to learn to spell?

Oh! I do beg your pardon,

you’d like to learn about Hell?


What is Hell?

Except a metaphor for your existence,

you make it up as you go along.

Such is your persistence

that you write about it in books and song.

Dante called it an inferno, a circus of the circular

with lots of demons having fun

in the centre it’s hotter than the sun.

There’s even frozen lake called ‘Cocytus’

with lots of souls trapped in ice,

Me! I call it home, and I think it’s rather nice.


Heaven, is the human utopia; it’s where God resides

and goody two-shoe-types who do no wrong,

The kind of people, you used to see on ‘Going for a Song’

It makes you feel good about yourselves as you go about your lives.

Hell, however, is where you go when you’ve

drowned some kittens or murdered your wives,

a place where I allegedly torture your souls with red-hot knives.


Don’t kid yourselves; it’s all an illusion, Honest! 

Take it from someone, who’s in the know,

who really gets your soul when its time to go?

Have you ever thought that him and me

are one and the same?

And that you’re pathetic existence

is just some futile game?

Sorry…?  What’s that you say?

You’ve heard that one before?

My friend, you will soon be knocking at my door.

You think I come here to lie and deceive?

That’s your choice, I never asked you to believe,

but I was summoned for consultation

and though I do sympathise with your frustration.

Never let it be said

that I don’t appease those who may soon be dead?


If you really want to know…

I’m just a figment of your imagination,

a cerebral creation,

a sign of your own common indignation.

Not a raging demon out to get your soul…

although, you never can tell,

especially with me…That bloke from Hell.’



 P. Williams© 2000&06









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Reviewed by Retta (Reindeer) Mckenzie 6/26/2006
Oh Dear, how much I loved this, very funny and so excellent! Absolutely loved this!

Reviewed by Aberjhani 6/24/2006
A choice bit of metaphysical satire for sure!
Reviewed by Helen Downey 6/21/2006
What a Bloke! Great write, I really enjoyed it Paul.
Reviewed by Nordette Adams 6/19/2006
If you really want to know…
I’m just a figment of your imagination,
a cerebral creation,
a sign of your own common indignation.
Not a raging demon out to get your soul…
although, you never can tell,
especially with me…That bloke from Hell.’

Oh, but he has the best disguises, or as Neil Simon said, "The Devil looks like Robert Redford and wears a suit." ;-) Thank you for the chuckles, Paul. He's only in our imagination until he reaches out and grabs us. :-p ~~Nordette

Reviewed by Kate Burnside 6/18/2006
His biggest snigger is to convince that he is a myth... well, plenty of that surrounding his persona, I guess, but spiritually reckon he is as much alive and kickin as his rather better counterpart. A very satirical and wry write, Paul... should get Gerald Scarfe to illustrate and have it submitted to literary press and newspapers. This is a classy bit of lit wit that the most established literary minds in the country might be proud to own. It is one cool write for being so hot! BTW, he's melting your Panama and burning your white linen suit...!! :)) K xx
Reviewed by jude forese 6/17/2006
well written, piquant with just the right amount of humor thrown in ...
Reviewed by Jeanette Foresta 6/17/2006
It's funny I just bought this book>A Divine Revelation of Hell, by Mary K. Baxter discription> "Over a period of forty days, God gave her visions of hell and commissioned her to tell all to choose life. "It is an account of the place and beings of hell contrasted with the glories of heaven." It was suggested from - I thought a read about Hell may be interesting. Great write!
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 6/15/2006
Jolly good show, old chap!!! (with a British accent) Thank you for sharing you wit and humour, Paul. Love and peace to you,

Reviewed by Gwen Dickerson 6/15/2006
Clever and witty write, Paul! Did the devil make you do it? LOL! Well, you did good!
Reviewed by Tinka Boukes 6/15/2006
That bloke from hell became a bad bloke...and spilled some elephantjuice walking pass the good ( *;* ) englishmans!!

A very serious read for me Chuckie....knowing hell!!

Love Tinka
Reviewed by Phyllis Jean Green 6/15/2006
How clever! Painted the bloke just right. In shades of red
and black and. . .puke? Good on ya!! Better keep yer
runnin' shoes on, 'ough. Bloke'll be out t'getcha. Not only
for this gem, but for writing so well. {He's got 'a few' poems
in a fireproof box that he's thinking about submitting; rumor
is, they are full of rhymes such as hell, bell, well, sell, tell
and moon June soon kaboom. See, he can do near-rhyme.;)
Thanks for sharing this. 'Pea' <3
Reviewed by M.Bennett Hooper (Mikii) 6/14/2006
Keeping the fires hot are we, and hell allof the time I thought it was me. Witty write this is mate. <Mikii>
Reviewed by Flowing Brook 6/14/2006
Hell of a job.
Reviewed by Peter Paton 6/14/2006
A superb and sardonic piece on the Englishman from Hell
Somehow I vizualise that little guy who is managing a certain England team just now...:)
Reviewed by Birgit and Roger Pratcher 6/14/2006
Now this is great! One to keep, to read again and again, filled with just the right touch of humor,
Reviewed by Mr. Ed 6/14/2006
Jolly Good! And I've always suspected that Bloke From Hell just might be an Englishman!!
Reviewed by E T Waldron 6/14/2006
well it is what I expect from you Paul quirky humor, with wise lines between the spaces, and a finale leaving it still an enigma, and up to us what we believe;-) Excellent, even if I didn't get it right;-)lol

Reviewed by Felix Perry 6/14/2006
Cute write but with just enough punch to make you wonder a little bit about this place called hell.

Reviewed by Jerry Bolton (Reader) 6/14/2006
Nice off-the-wall type of poetry with a lot of sense intermingled within the silliness.
Reviewed by A PAX 6/14/2006
a demonic poem with humor and attitude
and an outlook from a lower lattitude

funny witty.........and hot stuff paul!
Reviewed by Susan Sonnen 6/14/2006
my, he's a bugger, isn't he?! This was oddly refreshing!

Reviewed by L. Figgins 6/14/2006
Do enjoy your wry wit, Paul! Seriously been thinking a lot about metaphor and it's role in evolvement of man's brain. Before it appeared on the scene it was "Ugh". Man created many gods when he started to think about more than just survival, the invention of the wheel and tools having freed his mind to think and ponder. Then he related the meaning of life in metaphor. You devil, you'll get some pokes from this one, no doubt. "The Devil is an Englishman", wow that would make a great title for a book!

Lin :)

  1. larger voice
  2. Woodsmoke and Possibility....
  3. I Wish I Could Tell You...
  4. Potting Plants
  5. Springtime Breeze
  6. . . . and There I was
  7. Everything Shuts Down
  8. Transmorpho
  9. “Cant Dog”, and the Burning of Words own O
  10. Bumble Bee, Bumble Bee
  11. Controlled Manner
  12. Presence
  13. I Wish I Knew
  14. Day's End
  15. unraveling
  16. In Loving Memory
  17. Not Of Gold
  18. The Mask
  19. My Poems
  20. Yesterday's Dreams

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