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Mr. Ed

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Books by Mr. Ed
  The Cookie War Chronicles
by Mr. Ed
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Mr. Ed
•  Ode to Scruffy
•  Three Tiny Terrified Souls
•  Their Abysmal Fourth of July
•  Rainy Day Walkabout
•  My Buddy
           >> View all 1,524


“A desperate cry from Cookieville

Was heard through out the land

An ogre by the name of Ed

Crushed cookies by the hand”


From a Diabolical Poem by A Pax,

Entitled, ‘Ed Kostro, The Cookie Killer,

Part 2 of Cookies Gotz No Brains or Do They’




The Year:  2016

The Place:  The Outskirts of the Once Happy Hamlet of Cookieville




This war has now raged on

For the last 10 very bloody years

Making a once jolly old ogre like me

Want to weep into my cookies and beer


I had once been extremely content

To devour a tiny Cookie Person or two

Only periodically raiding lovely Cookieville

I was a very happy ogre - I was never ever blue


Then an extremely fiendish human being came along

Who convinced these foolish Cookie People to fight back

Soon she taught them how to bake cookie decoys using cement

Now she is known far and wide as their leader – they call her A Pax


I had to have each and every one of my bloody teeth pulled

After I bit into those cement cookie decoys that very bloody day

So soon I had stainless steel incisors implanted in my cavernous mouth

Vowing that every cookie on Earth - for their vile treachery would now pay


So thus began the Great Cookie-Ogre War

And their leader had just begun her nasty tricks

Soon she had them baking cookie decoys with pins

Gaseous ingredients Ex-Lax and sharp jagged sticks


I now had to have my entire pummeled stomach encased in bronze

And I could no longer feed tasty Cookie People tidbits to my hounds

It was just too dangerous - so they ran off - with the Ice Cream Ogre

And now I’m by far the most bitter and the very loneliest ogre around


And to make matters even worse than they were

For my bulging bronze belly I could find no pants

Not even Manny’s Big Ogre Shop could help me now

Which irritated me beyond belief into a most violent rant


But to hell with wearing any pants these days

Now I have only one wretched desire in this vile life

I will devour each and every last cookie on planet Earth

Only then will I find some peace from this most hellish strife


And I’ve just sadly learned through the Very Disgruntled Ogre Grapevine

That A Pax now conspires with Martha Stewart to bake more noxious decoys

They are probably whipping up some very poisonous cookie decoys right now

Martha obviously learning how to make them in prison from nasty girls and boys



So Bring It On, Miss Very Diabolical Human A Pax,

I will keep devouring  every single cookie that I can find,

Gooey, crispy, crunchy, noxious, and yes, even cement flavored,

Your Followers, These Tiny Cookie People, Are Definitely All Mine!










Got Milk?



©2016, Ogre Ed





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Reviewed by Helen Downey 6/21/2006
This is really great! Hope to read more about THE COOKIE WAR CHRONICLES!!!
Reviewed by Birgit and Roger Pratcher 6/19/2006
Those cookie chronicles developed in something fascinating! This is really fantastic!
Reviewed by Kate Burnside 6/18/2006
Goodness me... fate worse than death to be in the belly of a bronze Jonah with no pants... no, I take that back... a fate worse than death to OBSERVE the belly of a bronze Jonah with no pants... The cookies must have died of shock before even a bite was took... Well, my mind is made up... Girl-power PAX dicates that I go fetch that hunky Woodman with his Axe... What big teeth you HAD Daddio..... Yep, I'm signin up for the C.L.E.A.V.A.G.E.... Cookie Liberation Extremists Acting Versus Antagonistic Grotesque Ed... !! Kleavage Kate xx
Reviewed by E T Waldron 6/18/2006
LOLLOLLOL!!! This is amazing! So glad I didn't miss it! It sounds like you have taken on the role of the worlds cookie tyrant! What can we expect now? Poor cookies in the middle of a war,and we the onlookers not knowing whch side to take.He-------lp!
Reviewed by Taylor Ryan 6/17/2006
You've got the competitive edge with this one..looking forward to the next installment cookieman!
Reviewed by Crystal Silver Angel (Reader) 6/17/2006
I'm with Kate...

Xxx dove
Reviewed by Kate Clifford 6/17/2006
Be really careful about the milk...............

LOL what a delight to come back to :-)
Reviewed by Tinka Boukes 6/17/2006
This can only get better!!

Waiting for the follow-up!!

Love Tinky
Reviewed by Gwen Dickerson 6/17/2006
LOL! And thus the great Cookie War began! To eat the cookies ... or not? It would seem that Ogre Ed, wouldn't be the only one enjoying ye olde cookie batches! Can't wait to find out what will happen. Good job Ed and Anita! I'm really enjoying the humor!
Reviewed by Paul Williams 6/17/2006
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL this gonna start getting interesting lol. I love this Ed I'm chuckling like a good'un. Anita's gonna comeback with something equally off-the-wall for sure. 'Cry havoc! and let slip the Dog's of War' Most Excellent!

Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 6/17/2006
LOL Too funny, Ed; thanks for the grins today! Very well done; bravo!!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 6/17/2006
LOLOLOL Let the wars begin! Can't wait for the volleying shot from Lady A and your response. A grand series!

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.
Reviewed by Connie Hinnen Cook 6/17/2006
Sounds like Big A is ready to take you on in this!
What fun! I enjoyed this a lot.
Reviewed by Chrissy McVay 6/17/2006
Made me smile...
Reviewed by A PAX 6/17/2006
I am pissing in my pants here!!!
laughing so hard, cannot drink my coffee!!!
You have thrown down the gautlet, (covered in cookie slime btw) and I, the noble warrior queen A Pax, (*Pax means peace in latin) so accept, the honor of protecting defenseless cookies round the world, they have been undervalued for their intelligence, all they lacked was guidence, and I accept with honor and humble hart, the task of helping them defeat the forces of fat! lol......lucky they have poor vision because I am fat, and might run from me in fear too ........muuhaahaa........

loved this

You toothless, bronze demon

The war is on!!!


Muuhaahaaa cannot say pax anymore


The Big A!!!
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 6/17/2006
I have a friend, his name is Sigmund, and he finds this cookie fixation thing of yours to be quite interesting, you should seriously seek psychological help, big are slowly falling off the deep end...;) Ed
Reviewed by L. Figgins 6/17/2006
Lol!!!!!!!!!!!! Knew Martha had a hidden agenda. Oh Ed, you are priceless. Thanks, Anita, for inspiring this creation...

Reviewed by m j hollingshead 6/17/2006
enjoyed the read
Reviewed by Andy Turner (Reader) 6/17/2006
Do you know the muffin man...............
Cookies are safe in England as we don't have them.
But you do take the biscuit....
What did the cookies mum say, after seeing Ed eat her only son..."Crumbs!" Sorry oldest goldest...
Reviewed by Peter Paton 6/17/2006
This sounds the like the cookie war has started in earnest, all we need now is the dastardly Andy to turn up, and put a fly in the mix...:)
Great stuff Ed and Anita...
Reviewed by George Carroll 6/17/2006
It doesn't take much to set your muse in motion and A Pax has pushed all the right buttons.
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