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Mr. Ed

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Books by Mr. Ed
  The Very First Cookie Ogre
by Mr. Ed
Friday, July 14, 2006
Rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Mr. Ed
•  Ode to Scruffy
•  Three Tiny Terrified Souls
•  Their Abysmal Fourth of July
•  Rainy Day Walkabout
•  My Buddy
           >> View all 1,524


Please Note:


This is Strictly an Historical Piece

The Queen A Pax-Ogre Cookie War

Is Now on Summer Hiatus



“Hail to the Great One,

Who Brought All of Us Such Cookie Bliss;

Hail to Our Ancient Leader – The Noble One,

The Very First Cookie Ogre – Him We Shall Miss”


From an Ancient Cookie Ogre’s Chant



In 510 B.C starving soldiers

Of the Persian Emperor Darius

Were near the very ancient river Indus

When they found sustenance most curious


Here they discovered very strange reeds

Which produced ‘honey without any bees’

But it was left to ‘The Great One’ himself

To realize the significance of these sugar reeds


In the year 327 B.C., King Alexander the Great himself

Sagely brought these tasty sugar reeds back to the Mediterranean

Where he instructed his many bakers to start baking sugar cookies

Which truly explains the still joyous euphoria we Cookie Ogres are in


Hail to the Great One for His Great Gift of Delicious Cookies

Every Single Cookie Ogre since his time - in Each and Every Land

Still Bows in Homage to ‘The Great One’ Who Had a Very Great Vision

We Will Never Ever Forget Him – Our Hero – This Very Great Cookie Man


Historical Footnotes:


Alexander the Great was called Tre-Qarnayia (The Two Horned One) in Aramaic, due to an image on coins minted during his rule that depicted him with what many believe are the two ram’s horns of the Egyptian god, Ammon.  (Ogres believe that they were really ogre’s horns.)


He also encouraged marriage between his army and foreigners (including ogres), and practiced it himself.


Alexander the Great lives on in the history and myths of both ancient Greece, and in non-Greek cultures (including the ancient ogre culture).  And his many exploits have inspired many through the ages (especially cookie ogres).


I believe writers should always delve into the historical backgrounds of any characters they create, and my spouse used to encourage me to do so.


But alas, she came home several nights ago to find an authentically darkened house representing an old ogre’s cave in which my dogs and I were truly enjoying several packages of freshly scavenged cookies we had ravenously begun devouring on the living room floor.  I thought I looked very authentic in my ogre’s loin cloth, too.


Unbelievably, my wife stormed out the house, and she says she won’t return until I move on to my next character.


I guess I’ll never figure out women – of any kind – evil cookie queens, ogre spouses, or my nasty next door neighbor.  She doesn’t like my ogre’s loin cloth either; she’s never liked my hellish hounds.


Writing is a tough racket, but I do love it so.


“Hey, Drooler, round up the rest of the hellish hounds; we’re going out cookie hunting one last glorious time!  The Great Cookie Man would expect as much from us.”


And if you missed the Queen A Pax-Ogre Cookie War Season One Cliffhanger, it’s called:  Captain Cookie Sprinkle’s Log.



©2006, Regretfully Soon To Become Someone Other than Ogre Ed 


       (For the Summer Anyway)




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Reviewed by Anna Marie Fritz (Reader)
I have my very own personal outdoor Cookie Ogre this summer.
He is, however, not quite an ogre, but a darling Woodchuck who has taken to Vanilla Cream cookies.
Opens them up, licks the center away, and then eats the cookie halves themselves.
I will post a picture of him sometime soon!
Reviewed by Chrissy McVay
Wonderful! Hail to the Cookie Ogres!
Reviewed by Crystal Silver Angel (Reader)

Reviewed by Paul Williams
LOL Ed, what about us 'sometimeshavetosquat' alien types called Dave, we donated the orignal dough lol, top conspiracy here hehehehehe. All is not as it seems.

aka Sparky
Reviewed by Andy Turner (Reader)
Mr Ogre I have women figured out...
Just say yes dear...
But only do it if it wins you shagging points..
Reviewed by Birgit and Roger Pratcher
Cookie history, yummie! Of course research is always important, not only in the matter of cookies, you've got that right,
Reviewed by m j hollingshead
interesting read
Reviewed by Tinka Boukes
Hey enjoy yourself and beware of the hot sun it make masjanja taste Like biltong!!

Love Tinka
Reviewed by Kate Clifford
Hunderds of years from now this will be read.........and a new religion will be born! But.......will you still be eating cookies? Man being what he is will more then likely will overdo it and before you know it.......your worst nightmares comes true.........the cookies will be put on the list of lost forever!
Reviewed by Theresa Koch
This was just awesome Ed thank you for the smile;)
Reviewed by Rhonda Galizia
ALEXANDER THE GREAT??? now, The Cookie Ogre has reached Biblical acclaim!

NO WONDER, this cookie war is of EPICAL proportion!

Your wife must be a beauty...since the Ogre is such a b e a s t!

And the graphics and screen set-up are awesome! KUDOS TO BOTH OF YOU!
Looking forward to your next Character Performance, Ogre Ed
Good know what Uncle Miltie [i think?] used to say, "Always leave 'em laughing!"

Reviewed by E T Waldron
ogre ed you outdid yourself this time. Had me laughing at the graphic, and continued until I had to leave my chair for you know where;-) methinks i'll sue kostogre for belly damage!lol glad there's a pause so I can recouperate!hahaha

tiger lily
Reviewed by Peter Paton

Excellent historical and satitirical piece, that whets our appetite
for the further installments of Cookieville, after the summer sojourn..

Fabolous graphic too !

The cookie addicts will look forward to this sequel with great relish and enthusiasm..

Reviewed by A PAX
So this is like marco polo bringing home spagetti from china
the ogre history info is so impressive
i love how you entwine history with myth

keep it up......maybe someone will belive you ogie

my sympathies to your wife and pets

Reviewed by Abdi-Noor Mohamed (Eagle Of Hope)
Thanks ED for this eye opening piece of informaion. I always wondered how man came to know about sugar,salt, pepper and other ingredients
Reviewed by Connie Hinnen Cook
What is it about wives that they always want to pick out their husband's wardrobes? Don't give up, Ogre Ed. You and your hounds keep raiding those cookie jars!
Reviewed by Mr. Ed
Bless You, Sherry Heim! A Potato Bug! Wait until my wife sees me in that outfit!!!
Reviewed by Sherry Heim
Alas, all good things must come to an (temporary) end, but when you return I hope that the war will continue until it is finally settled. Be safe in your ventures and take your time with the morphing process. I have heard that when ogres attempt to morph into something else, sometimes they get stuck and become a grotesque ogre/potato bug person and are unable to ever morph beyond that point again. Fair winds, Ogre Ed. Catch ya on the flip-flop...don't stay away too long.
Take care,
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