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Tom Hyland

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Books by Tom Hyland
  All Critters - Big and Lil
by Tom Hyland
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Rated "PG13" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Tom Hyland
•  CROSSWORDS
•  ELF # 1
•  SHRIMPY
•  OF ALL THE GIRLS I LOVED BEFORE ...
•  ALL HALLOWS EVE
           >> View all 516




" Mary had a little Lamb,
she tied it to the Heater,
every time he turned around,
he burned his little........
NOSE !






ALL CRITTERS - BIG AND LIL

Copyright: 10/16/07 - Tom Hyland


Let’s start afore I was Borned!
Sister Rose was just a Kid,
Loved all Critters,
That’s what she Did!


Back in Nineteen and Thirty-Four or So,
Times were Tough, or so I’m Told,
Back in them thar Days,
Live Poultry was Sold!


Chicken, Duck, Goose,
It mattered Not!
You took it home Live,
And Fattened for the Pot!


Anyways, as the story Goes,
She Thought she had a pet Duck,
But it Gobbled down some Marbles,
And Croaked - some bad sad Luck!


She Cried and Wailed,
‘Cause he was a Goner,
But Sunday’s Dinner
Just came Sooner!


People had Victory Gardens,
Later, during World War Two,
And our backyard was just a Plot,
But Veggies were growed, just a Few.


Now Dad was a Good Guy,
Wouldn’t hurt a Flea,
But, chased away Cats,
So There, they wouldn’t Pee!


Don’t want to ruin the Crops,
Don’cha Know?
A B-B in the Arse,
Would make them Go!


Years later, Some wheres
Around Nineteen and Forty-Seven,
I got a cute baby Bunny for Easter,
But, during the night, he went to Heaven!


We never had no Dogs,
And Rarely a Cat,
A temporary loaner Mouser,
Killed Vermin - That was That!


But as a young Teenager,
I had a Parakeet named Petey,
He knew my voice, and said: Pretty Boy,
He was a Sweety!


He had full range of the House,
With an open Door,
Flew up the Stairs
To the Second Floor!


Pulled on my hair,
To wake me Up,
And shared my Coffee,
Perched on my Cup!


With feet on the Brim,
He’d duck his bill In,
Take a Swallow,
Then dip agin!


A Brave lil Bird,
And that’s no Lie,
Stuck his Head in my Mouth,
And didn’t even Cry!


He knew the time when I got home,
As the door opened, down he’d Swoop,
Land on my Glasses,
And sometimes Poop!


With cute lil green and white Dots,
I’d be Decorated,
Afore I left Home,
Them and me got Separated!


Oh Girls were Impressed,
‘Cause they liked cute lil Birds,
But there’s somethin’ Disgusting
‘Bout dried cute lil Turds!


Through the years, Family and Friends,
Had Pets too innumerable to Mention,
Cats and dogs, guinea pigs, and Bunnies,
Were constantly demanding Attention!


Pet food, pet litter, pet toys, pet Shots,
A huge market developed to spend one’s Money,
First a little, then lots and Lots!
Oh, isn’t he Cute, Honey?


When first married, in our first Home,
I brought home a puppy named Angel.
A Basset Hound, who Farted,
The wife and She soon Parted!


Next, came Buffy, looked like a Fox,
Thought he was trained,
‘Cause he scratched on the Door,
Found out later, behind the sofa, he Peed on the Floor!


Off to a Farm, he went like a Flash,
Got runned over by a Tractor,
They said he was Mashed!
Ugh! The Death Factor!


While renting a Townhouse, during Construction,
We had a Goldfish, in a cute lil Bowl,
During the move, GOLDIE got Lost,
Found her two weeks later, back in a Hole!


Later, we built a house on two Acres,
Kids agreed, only OUTSIDE Dogs,
Or there’d be no Takers.
Enter two twins from a Litter!


Ann named hers Dusty,
Tom’s choice was Duke,
They took care of them for awhile,
Until one or t’other did Puke!


I built them a big House,
T’was heavy as Sin,
Two separate parts, so I could move It,
Even INSULATED, then they moved In!


Got all through the Winter, and they didn’t Die,
But, when Spring came, Oh, My, Oh, My!
Under the bottom, found such a Mess,
Momma RAT had built her Nest!


She shot out from Under, and to the Woodpile,
Ran got my CO2 Pistol, and down on my Belly,
Took three shots, Film at Eleven,
Poor Momma Rat went straight to Heaven!


Had a Funeral at a remote Burial site,
A quick few Prayers, a stick Cross to mark the Blight!
Now Dusty and Duke who had such big Paws,
St. Bernard’s mixture, showed as Flaws!


Natcherly, they was too close to the House,
That was the Ruling by my Spouse,
So, way in the back, they got Staked,
She liked no Rats, nor getting’ Snaked!


While she was weeding, next to the house one Day,
Poor lil green Garden Snake got in the Way,
After the Scream, as I came Runnin’
Her shovel done its job, headless he was Sunnin’!


Flora and Fauna abounded Everywhere,
Quail, Pheasant, Geese, and Ducks,
And many a Deer and Doe,
And once landed an Egret, what Luck!


Several years and two houses Later,
We saved a Puppy, a Mixed Chocolate Lab,
She was the Sweetest, the Greatest,
Part Doberman, we ever Had!


With sad eyes, and a kiss like a Feather,
We all agreed, her name had to be Heather!
Fast as a Lightning Bolt, quick as a Wink,
The Best Ball-catcher you’d ever Think!


When Ann moved out, all on her Own,
Heather went with her, for Protection,
Whenever I visited, I got a Nip and a Kiss,
Where ya been Dad, you’ve been Missed!


Then, Ann went to California, the dog couldn’t Go,
A Friend took her in, and has her still Today,
Lord, take care of Charlie and Heather,
To this Day I Pray!


All Critters, Big and Lil,
That’s my inventory, a tale of my Stock,
Lessen I forgot my only one Now,
No Muss, no Fuss, just a PET ROCK!



*** PAUSE FOR PAWS ***



J-PAL… TOM





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Reviewed by Elizabeth Taylor (Reader) 10/20/2007
I remember it all. And hula hoops.
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