An Apology to Me
by JONI DURHAM
Saturday, November 03, 2007
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An Apology to ME
I took you for granted; your strength, your beauty, your wisdom, I denied.
I disrespected you to the utmost level and did not value you as a mother, daughter or even as a human being.
Taking away your dignity and infamous pride, I subjected you to things, people and surroundings you did not deserve to be a part of or affiliated with.
Selfishly, I gave your body to someone that seen it as nothing more than a pleasure vessel.
Time after time I put you in a situation that I knew was unhealthy and unsafe simply because I wanted to be there.
The tears, the heartache, the pain and devastation you endured were due to my weakness ad inability to love me causing me to neglect you.
Your feeling of emptiness is because I took away so much that was precious to you for the happiness of someone precious to me.
I was selfish in my dealings with you.
You were taken for granted and because you had been so strong for so long, I thought you could take it.
Never did I stop and take the time to realize that you were breaking under all the stress and pressure from the decisions I had made.
I didnít realize that every tear drop no matter how silent it may have been was filled with years and months of pain and each incident that caused a tear drop re-hashed suppressed pain from years before.
Internally you were dying.
I think I k new but didnít want to admit it to myself.
You have been deprived of affection, appreciation, loyalty and growth due to my decisions. I disregarded how much you desired all of these things.
Ripped of your dignity and self-respect you still remained forgiving but each time you forgave a piece of your soul dwindled away.
Due to my decisions, I caused you devastation and for this I apologize to ME.