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Lainey M Bancroft

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Member Since: Mar, 2008

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An Ode to the Recipes For Romance Sub Genres
by Lainey M Bancroft

Friday, March 28, 2008
Rated "PG13" by the Author.
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Recent poems by Lainey M Bancroft
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A fun piece poking fun at the various ingredients to write a romance novel. I won a cool prize package for this!

When writing romance, sub-genres vary

Let’s start with contemporary

Take one hot gal with a kick ass profession

Give her a secret she ain’t confessin’

Maybe a past that she can’t outrun

Which brings her, of course, to the man with a gun

He’s handsome and arrogant and he’ll probably brood

He’s hard to like, but never rude

He’s loyal, stubborn, tough and strong

And he should definitely have a hard, hot schlong

Together they’ll battle dangers real

And rescue each other by learning to feel


Historical is a whole different mix

Your maiden damsel should be in a fix

She tosses her flowing auburn tresses

And is clad in bodice-ripper dresses

She might have to marry an egotistical Knight

Who fills her virgin’s heart with fright

She thinks he’s heartless, cruel and cold

Yet she loves him because he’s fearless and bold

He should have an accent, or a southern twang

Not to mention, an impressive wang

She wants to protect her maidenhead

But she winds up in the tough guy’s bed

Where she discovers he’s amazingly so well built

She can’t resist tickling him…under his kilt.


If you want to try something a bit more exotic

Mix yourself up a nice erotic

In this genre, almost anything goes

Especially the anything that requires no clothes

Give them a toy box of interesting stuff

And it’s okay if they get a little rough

Breasts, bum and thighs, she’s like a lingerie model

And she’s always ready to go full throttle

He’s like a god of the ancient Norse

Horny as a toad and hung like a horse

You can have them do things you don’t want momma to read

Use whips, wear chains, crawl on their knees and plead

And after all their physical pleasure

They should discover it’s really each other they treasure


So gather ingredients, mix, boil, and baste

And you’ll cook up a romance to suit any taste!



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Reviewed by Michelle Mead 3/31/2008
This is so funny and true-and well-written!! I love a good romance myself :) Michelle
Reviewed by John Leko 3/28/2008
...alchemy of passion...finds expression exotic...a read.
very well done Lainey...
Reviewed by Karen Palumbo 3/28/2008
Very imaginative and creative piece of writing, leaves food for thought....

Be always safe,
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