Over fourteen years
I have kept five journals.
Two are black,
one is brown,
another denim blue and yellow,
embroidered with flowers
and the one I use now,
that is laying in my lap,
has a tiger print.

What they have in common, all,
are my neat columns of figures throughout--
more minuses than pluses
for rent, food, phone, student loans,
tuition, car insurance, credit cards, gas,
laundry, savings for
my son to go college,
just to name a few.

My journals are full of
finding ways to stretch
a teacher's dollar--
overtime,
workshops that offer stipends,
and bypassed shopping trips.
The pants I am wearing
are pilled in the thighs.
One sock has a hole
and the treads in the soles of my sneakers
are flat.

My journals keep my worries from my son
who always
has a full belly and
clean clothes in his closet.
His computer is brand new
and his future securely in the bank.

I thank God for what we have
but I wonder
if I will ever
have a journal
free of worries.