HAD I KNOWN, excerpt
THE BOOK “I’m Doing The Best I Can!”
Lisa Hein, Author
Had I known that life after children was going to be so sad,
I would have stopped yelling at you and getting so mad.
Had I known that one day I would wake up to an empty home,
I would have given you more space to grow up and roam.
Had I known that there would be no more questions to answer,
I would have filled you up with more important lessons and not worry aboutwho you were with, or where.
Had I known that you heard every word I said,
I would have allowed you to make more choices and not worried about you making your bed!
Had I known that one day my child of four,
Would grow up so fast and walk out the door.
Had I known that those days of laughing and holding you would
end so soon,
I would have enjoyed every day, just like you did when you left school in June.
Had I known that I would feel so alone,
I would have kissed your face more often and not found things to yell at you about, like being on the phone.
Had I known that one day you would not need me for everything you do,
I really think that I could have relaxed more and believed that you really knew.
Had I known that I would look inside your empty bedroom,
And wish to God that it didn’t have be this way, and I didn’t have to feel like I was doomed.
Had I known that you loved me the way you tell me now,
That as you got older instead of being your enemy, I could have been your pal.
Had I known that when you walked down the isle on the awesome May day,
That graduation meant an absolutely different path for you and that you wouldbe going to be so far away!
Had I known that those few days getting you settled in would come to an end,
And the day would come when I would drive away without you, oh my God, I just knew I would never mend.
Had I known that this was the hardest thing for me to do,
But, it was just one more of those situations that a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do!
Had I known that one day, you would take the ball and run,
I would have given you more respect and I know, we could have had more fun.
Had I known the lessons that were taught to you were being processed, that they meant something, and that they were things that eventually you were going to do, then maybe, I wouldn’t have been so angry all the time.
It was a pleasure, but it was also very hard, to be with you for those eighteen years,
I will try to be strong and hold back all of my tears.
You go do what you were meant to do,
And please know that, I have always loved you!