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Tom Hyland

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Member Since: Feb, 2003

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Books
· The New Jerusalem - Chapters 1 - 5

· Bawlmer, Merlyn - Home of The Hons


Short Stories
· CHICKEN SCRATCHES ?

· DADDY ... ADDENDUM

· DADDY, WHAT DID YOU DO IN THE MILITARY?

· THREE LITTLE ... EDS !

· ALL MY CARS - PART 2

· ALL MY CARS

· AU-TO-MO-BILES

· BIG LUG CONTINUED !

· SLURPEES !

· THE BIG LUG !


Articles
· GOD BLESS THE @#%^ CORPORATIONS!

· BERRIES

· MEDIOCRITY ... THY NAME IS ... APATHY

· TALK IS CHEAP !

· The BLIMP

· 9 / 11 : PRESS For TRUTH

· NEW WORDS WITH FRIENDS

· BEATING A DEAD HORSE ?

· IF I WON ... ?

· Delegate or Stagnate


Poetry
· SHRIMPY

· OF ALL THE GIRLS I LOVED BEFORE ...

· ALL HALLOWS EVE

· HONEY, OUR VOWS MEANT NOTHING TO YOU ... BUT I DIDN'T KNOW

· CONTEMPLATING BAMBIíS NAVEL

· DANGLING PARTICIPLES ?

· BIG 5 0 !

· COURAGE

· AS FOR ME ...

· LIFE IS LIKE ... A BOOK

         More poetry...
News
· PATRICIA ANN ALLEN

· JERSEY DEVIL... aka KNAVE WUSS-A-LOT Update !

· JERSEY DEVIL HANGING IN THERE STILL !

· ED MATLACK IN HOSPITAL !

· ONE MILLION !

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Tom Hyland, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

  AGE
by Tom Hyland
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Tom Hyland
•  SHRIMPY
•  OF ALL THE GIRLS I LOVED BEFORE ...
•  ALL HALLOWS EVE
•  HONEY, OUR VOWS MEANT NOTHING TO YOU ... BUT I DIDN'T KNOW
•  CONTEMPLATING BAMBIíS NAVEL
           >> View all 514




How OLD are you?

You are only as old as you FEEL!

But, what if you have a Teenager TRAPPED inside a 68-year-old BOD with Aches N' Pains that feel like you are 86?

THIS - my Friends N' Fiends - is where HUMOR helps a lot!

To BE - or Not to BE -
THAT - is the Question!

and the Answer is ...
opening Envelope ...
stuttering ...
DRUM ROLL ...

"THANK YOU, LORD, FOR ONE MORE BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL DAY !!!





AGE

© - Tom Hyland - 01-06-09


Age - Minus Nine Months = Only a Gleam in Daddyís Eye!
Age - Plus Six Months = SOON!
Age - Zero = E.R. Ward - Daylight at End of Tunnel!
Age - One MINUTE = WAAAAAAH! Itís A BOY! Itís A GIRL!
Cigars All Around!

Age - One Year = First Happy Birthday!
Age Seven Years = the Supposed Age of Reason =
Knowing Right from Wrong? But - Do They?
First Confession and First Holy Communion.
Age Twelve = ALMOST TEENAGER - YAY!

Age Thirteen Years = Confirmation or Bar/Bas Mitzvah.
Age Sixteen = SWEET SIXTEEN = First Kiss?
First PREGNANCY? No Contract Abilities!
Age Eighteen = Old Enough to Go to WAR and DIE!
BUT - NOT TO VOTE - in Some States!

Age Twenty-One = ADULT! = Responsibility! =
Legal DRINKING Age! = Set ĎEm Up, Joe!
Age Twenty-Five = Almost Middle-Aged - AND -
Hopefully - a College Graduate - BUT BROKE!
Age Thirty = CONGRATULATIONS! = MIDDLE-AGED!

Age FORTY = Over The HUMP! =
ALL DOWN-HILL NOW! WORK YOUR BUNS OFF!
Age Fifty = Welcome to AARP!
Start Thinking About RETIREMENT PLANNING!
Age Sixty-Five = USED TO RETIRE AT FULL SSA BENEFITS!
Now - ADD 6-9-12 Months or Get PENALIZED!

AGE SIXTY-EIGHT = ME! = OLD - BROKE - RETIRED -
BUT - Still Must WORK Part-Time or STARVE!
Age Seventy = Usually = WELCOME TO NURSING HOME!
Age Seventy-Five = Still Alive, but No More JIVE!
Age Eighty = DUH? WHO AM I?

Age Ninety = WHO ARE YOU?
Age Ninety-Five = EVEN KIDS ARE DEAD NOW!
AGE ONE HUNDRED = FULL CIRCLE! =
BUT WHO CARES, OR GIVES A RATíS RECTUM?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

AGE?

HELL - ITíS JUST A NUMBER - RIGHT?

SURE!


© - TKH





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Reviewed by Mr. Ed 1/7/2009
HELL - ITíS JUST A NUMBER - RIGHT?

I think I'm just gonna quit counting, and keep living!
Reviewed by m j hollingshead 1/7/2009
good one
Reviewed by Flying Fox Ted L Glines 1/6/2009
ROFLMSAO!!!!!!!!!!!

Yup, and would you believe, some 68-year-old guy in Gaza City is waking up in a bomb crater saying "THANK YOU, LORD, FOR ONE MORE BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL DAY !!!"

Wendy will love this one, too, since you included "Bar/Bas Mitzvah".

Government actuarial tables say that folks born in 1940 were supposed to live to be 62. So I guess we died in 2002; dang, we missed our own funeral :-)

Ted
Reviewed by Karen Palumbo 1/6/2009
So cool and love the humor too! Ah, what is AGE but a chronological number set down by who????

Be always safe,
Karen
Reviewed by Marcia Miller-Twiford 1/6/2009
If you stop and really think about it we're all still 12. Great write!
Reviewed by Connie Faust 1/6/2009
Enjoyed your comical look at age and aging. I know what you mean about the trapped teenager--I'm the same (teen) age as you, and well acquainted with the aches and pains!
Don't despair, God has plans and a purpose for you and me. I want to be on duty, ready for His directions all the time. Even in old age, said the Psalmist, He is with me. SURE!
cONNIE
Reviewed by Lois Christensen 1/6/2009
Good top part. Did not spend much time on bottom one. Was too confounded by the top part. Yes, we are lucky to be here each day and I am fortunate too that I woke up alive again and don't I know it. Your writes are good though throughout the year.
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 1/6/2009
Happy Birthday, Tom. I'm 49. :D Body's convinced it's 112. LOL Enjoy your day, and I loved what you said at the beginning of your write:

"Thank you, Lord, for one more beautiful, wonderful day!" AMEN!!

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 1/6/2009
Who are you again & I am only 54, but then again I am not shore, you're only as old as you look, and brother when i saw you last summer, well, I can't go on or I might lose what few teefies I got left...;-) Ed

Books by
Tom Hyland



Bawlmer, Merlyn - Home of The Hons

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