Have you ever been so lost? so lost you just think "whats the point?" you have no real reason to live and nothing to wake up for in the morning, your freinds are all starting to drift away and theyve got girlfreinds or they smoke weed and you cant have a conversation with them, and you do some stupid things to fill the gaap in your heart, you fill that gap with video games 24/7 and you watch the comedy network cause its the only thing that really makes you smile, and you decide to try online dating and end up on an online sex chat website and talk dirty to people more out of boredom than lust and though it fills the gap for a while its like a circle in a square hole. Then you meet a girl you you like as a freind and you talk to her for a while. You stop talking dirty to the other people and you smile a little more often. Shes nice and shes a good person through and through. She just happens to have a best freind who she introduces to you and you like her even more, instantly theres a connection and you know shes the one. She hasnt said barely a word to you and already she's filled your gap better than anything else. unfortunately she is a square shaped block but shes a little too small, ya, shes got a few problems, maybe more than a few. But you like her and you decide to make her your purpose in live and every time she writes to you, every time you see shes sent you a messege you smile. Then at night when you used to roll around in your sleep you line up some pillows to resemble a body and pretend its her and kiss them and hold them and try to dream about her even though you dont know what she looks like. Of course once again she may be a square but shes a little small to fill your gap, shes got alot of shit in her past she'd rather not talk about or think about ever again and you understand. You try to comfort her, and she slowly grows into your gap and you slowly shrink and put all your love around her like your warm arms and your hearts break again and again but you push them together and they heal together as one. And from then on you know if someone separated them neither would pump again. You know from the start you love her and as you move along and months pass by you can see that its a rare case of true love; seldom seen but cherished like a beutiful Daimond. But you live in canada and she lives in england, it seems like the whole world's against you, and it seems everyone around you is dying and it hurts so much, She goes through so much and its not fair. She's such a good person, selfless and beutiful to the core of her soul yet things happen that you'd rather not repeat and it hurts so bad, and even though she bears the biggest load you feel like you can feel her pain in your heart and it breaks it to see her like this. You cant even see her, you dont know what she sounds like, what she looks like or how her lips feel pressed against yours and it hurts so bad. Nobody takes you seriously, sometimes that hurts the most. You both have a hard time with it, so you lie to everyone you love to protect your love but it just comes back to bite you. Then more stuff happens, her best freind, the one who you owe introducing her to you, she dies,and the girl you love, her dad dies, and her mum died when she was a kid. Unfortunately her dad remairied and shes got a step mum, and her step mums not too bad you think but then they start having fights and soon you can see shes a total bitch. She isnt doing any good for the girl you love, just making her life worse. They drift apart and as your squares grow into each other you see its a perfect fit. A match made in heaven, but once again the worlds against you. Your parents discover your lies, she doesnt live an hour away; she lives an ocean away, and youve never met her. The lies just pile up and you drift away from them and your freinds drift away even more and you barely speak any more. You dont have any good freinds anymore. But only need one, your best freind and your lover, the only person you trust with your feelings anymore. The only one who will listen to you and support you no matter what; if you killed someone she'd give you shelter. Thats your true love. The one girl in this world crafted especially for you, she's the best thing in your life, even if her life isnt exactly filled with flowers and ponies... You know when i was a kid i always wished something terrible would happen to me, anything just to brighten up my life and make it a little less boring. Once i wished my parents died, theyre pretty much dead to me now though, at least my mom is; she told me i was a failure and she must have done a bad job as a parent. So i live with my dad now but he drinks. hes an alchoholic and his new wife can be a bitch even though she cares for me, i geuss. The main point; all i have left is my baby girl, the love of my life. I dont know if i deserve her but i geuss i do because she deserves me, we fit better than a puzzle. Like a puzzle that puts it's self together. Still though, even though weve got each other life sucks. You see she still lives in england. Then my uncle got sick and we had to go to the U.S. to see him before he passed. We were there for ten days and i messeged her all the time on my cell phone.I even called her internationally from the hotel, that cost 300$. The cell phone bill? 1400$. for ten days of just online usage, bullshit. So thats when my mom said "that's it". I dont get along well with her now and i dont know what she thinks about me, oh ya, im worthless. I forgot. Now ive gotta pay off all these debts, and the 200$ i saved for a plane ticket to or from london dissapears like rain in the desert. Im left with nothing and still owing 100$ to my dad. And shes still in england, im still here and were both broke, and a plane ticket costs 800$. And we dont have ANYTHING. Then her aunt steps in and takes the roll of her mum, of course her aunt had her own son but he turned out to be mentally ill and almost killed the girl i love. Hes in a mad house now, so his mum is now her mum. She was gonna fix it all, help us get together, she was setting it up to come to canada and she's contacted immigration canada and things were going slow, but they were going. We were so excited, just beaming, we were finally gonna get to be together, hold each other, kiss and be together finally. But nothing good seems to last sometimes; her uncle died and her aunt didnt take it well, she still tried to be her mum but eventually she broke and it all fell apart, she called a vote, she couldnt take it, she called in the family and they voted on whether my girl was gonna come to canada or not. Her family can be strange sometimes, they're unique; they vote on things. But they dont know me, her one aunt thinks im a pedofile. They voted NO. It hurt, hurt alot and now my darling wont speak to them. I dont know if she still loves them or not, all i know is she may love them deep down but right now she hates them. She finally found someone who was good to her and treated her well and they tried to take him away. Now we gotta either convince them otherwise or raise the money on our own and try to get together. But neither will be easy. It's the whole world against us, no one seems to want to help anymore. It's just me and her against everyone and everything else, but im sure there's good people out there that would be willing to help, but they'll probably never read this. Sometimes I dont know how to hope anymore, it just gets so hard to look at the good side of things. Every day is a challenge, the day she told me they said no i almost got hit by a car 'cause i was so depressed i couldn't think straight. So if your reading this please, tell me what you think and contact me. My email address is conorvor_whiteboy.hotmail.com (i didnt make the whiteboy part, that was my dumb freind, well he used to be my freind) so send me an email or post a comment. And even if you just pass it on, even if you just read it, everything helps, so thank you, it means alot to me.
Go forth in life and make the best of what you've got. Do what you love to do, involve yourself fully in your hobbies and the person your meant to be with will fall into your lap and you will know happiness like i know when i hear the voice of my darling gena. Because remember, true love only finds you when you need it the most or you dont need it at all. Thank you for your time and good luck meeting your true love, thank you, goodbye.
sincerely: Conor Lynch
ps: please post a reveiw, even if its, re: hey, good story, every reveiw and comment helps a little bit, thanks. (sorry i had some problems updating the grammar checks)