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Georg E Mateos

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Member Since: Dec, 2005

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Screwing a Woman (humor)
by Georg E Mateos

Sunday, February 07, 2010
Rated "PG" by the Author.
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           >> View all 785

I hear the claws being sharpened, the broom made ready, the cackling laughs and that pissed off beehive clamor from all the AD sisters, but you know what? I was born to get in trouble...and love it!!!

She dumped your sorry pathetic self
and suddenly you are all alone in life,
the pillows doesnít smell the same
on a silent bed without loverís whine.

Then, you remember in your garage
among the things for your lemon car,
there, a lot of fancy mechanical tools
to make whatever you need or want.

Been alone you decided to be no more,
what can stop if you wish your hands
building the dreamís perfect woman ?
cos you are a champion of screwing up!

Hammer, hammer, screwing screws,
sheís taking voluptuous shape, a star!
they gonna envy you cos she hasnít got
a chatter box, and that make you smile!

The perfect woman you say you did?
one that never ever would think to nag,
she come without mother in law and
keep off the way when poker is nite.

Looking forward for the opening day
when you gonna use for the first time,
that dysfunctional can opener of yours
for a debut gourmet thrilling surprise.

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Reviewed by Karen Palumbo 2/22/2010
Goodness what an amazing write indeed! Women "nag" you must be mistaken, we are only striving for perfection and that of a soul mate. Well said...

Be always safe,
Reviewed by Richard Orey 2/11/2010
That dysfunctional can opener of yours comes with a zipper, doesn't it?

Now, I'm motivated to go out into my garage and see what I can put together. No "deal breaker" demands, so long as the Y-joint is well oiled.

I loved it, Georg. So glad I stopped by.
Reviewed by LadyJtalks LadyJzTalkZone (Reader) 2/10/2010 could any one of us think of luck with her...LadyJ
Reviewed by Poetess of The Soul Sheila G 2/10/2010
What a creative mind you possess, will this do EVERYTHING?
you have me inspired Georg!
This reminds me of "WEIRD SCIENCE" with the #2 Brainy Geek Nerd boys and Gorgeous Kelly LeBrock, they built the PERFECT Woman to them!
Love your mind and heart!
Men need their time too, most WOMAN just don't understand!

Blessings of WARM HUGS, SOULFUL_PurplePaSSionsSHEEoxxo
The only nagging I've done lately, if you call it "nagging" I would call it a it's been almost 3 YEARS and the Kitchen Cabinets are not painted YET, Harley riding and Fishing, has taken it's place! lol
Reviewed by Amber Moonstone 2/8/2010
I agree with Kate, You definitely can do better than that. All of us women are whiners or nags, I for one would never do that...
Anyway great write, but let's see what a perfect man will be...catch my poem, you inspired me!

Peace, love, and light,
Amber "V"
Reviewed by Kate Burnside 2/8/2010
... i hope you drilled the bore hole the right size, otherwise you're in BIG trouble.... Another one for the AD infirmary, i'd say! the AD night nurse will need a can opener to get you out... ouch!! :))) xxx
Reviewed by La Belle Rouge Poetess Of The Heart 2/8/2010
Oh come on Georgie you can do better than that!!
Reviewed by Karen Vanderlaan 2/8/2010
ah-but the smell on your pillow will not be the same!
Reviewed by L. Figgins 2/7/2010
This is Stepford Wife meets Terminatrix. It's been lovely to know you Georg...

Reviewed by Patrick Granfors 2/7/2010
Can openers, dysfunctional or not, run the risk of cross contamination when the tuna and the vienna sausage comingle. Patrick
Reviewed by Phyllis Jean Green 2/7/2010
This is g r e a t, Georg! What a wit you are. {Think it's spelled
c-h-a-r-a-c-t-e-r.;)] More! MORE!! xOx 'Pea' xOx

PS: Like what you said to J'nia about the "great and learned." May not be the exact words that you used, but you were talking about how "experts" insist that children who are abused will grow up to be abusers. Speaking for myself, being a target made me especially determined to be gentle. I am happy to say that my son and daughter are carrying on the tradition. Thank you, man. Stay you!!
Reviewed by John Flanagan 2/7/2010
...sailing close to the wind here, Georg, but you sail well and light and it's a great laugh.
Thank you!

Reviewed by Ed Matlack 2/7/2010
u in big trouble boy...ed
Reviewed by Rose Rideout 2/7/2010
Well Georg I am laughing my head off as I already know my husband has the perfect woman. Any man that has three Harley's sitting in his garage and can ride any and every decent day because his wife insist he enjoy it while he can without nagging has to be pretty near perfect.LOL. Make no wonder we love you Georg.

Your Newfie Friend, Hugs, Rose
Reviewed by Peter Schlosser (Reader) 2/7/2010
Yes Georg, her name is Roxxxy remember? For those of us who are not mechanically inclined (like me), it only makes sense. Maybe I can go to the garage and slap something together. It'll probably look more like the Tin Man from Wizard of Oz; but at least it'll be well lubed!!
Reviewed by Andy Turner 2/7/2010
HAHAHAHA. The perfect woman is out there, yet to be discovered by mankind. <--did i just say that. God invented dishwashers to save us from marriage.
Reviewed by Emile Tubiana 2/7/2010
Dear Georg, I was impressed with the painting of this woman. This is the most perfect woman I ever saw. Did you put her together? It is a real ideal woman, you forgot one thing, does she eat? You cannot ask for better, have you ever seen a woman who doesn't nag? What a great achievement! In fact you solved the problem of all men on earth. Love Emile
Love Emile
Reviewed by Marcia Miller-Twiford 2/7/2010
ROTFL. I saw the title and thought, "What's he up to?" I have only one comment for your my dear, what you gonna do when she starts to get rusty and begins squeaking? She will you know.

Still laughing,
Reviewed by Christine Alwin 2/7/2010
oh Georg you are too make sure you keep us updated on this nuts to bolts beauty :)
Reviewed by JASMIN HORST SEILER 2/7/2010
Best you do a welding job Georg, screws come loose after a while, I guess you haven't noticed, have ya? You are dancing on thin ice me thinks, cause one sharp cut, and it's Bobbit, gotit? You'd think in that there miserable cold Swedish winter, you'd like something warm even if it's mouthy. Let me know when you perfected her, and don't for Christ's sake, don't brag to God about it. Ha, Jasmin Horst
Reviewed by George Carroll 2/7/2010
Are you looking for an erector set, certainly it can't be a woman?

George C.
Reviewed by Ron (sketchman) Axelson 2/7/2010
Does it take a phillips or flat head screw?
Reviewed by Mr. Ed 2/7/2010
WOW! Are you mass producing these in your Swedish Castle Dungeon? Are they available on E-Bay? And, are batteries, included?

Inquiring Minds want to know. (Actually, it's Ma - she wants her cut.)
Reviewed by Mark Lichterman 2/7/2010
Oh, Georg! I know the dream of man has always been and always will be that of the perfect woman, or rather that of the perfect woman for him. The perfect, God-made perfect woman for him. But one made of stainless steel and nuts and bolts? Ah, that can be a bit rough on mans puny pubis.
Your friend Mark
Reviewed by Liana Margiva 2/7/2010
WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!! Liana Margiva
Reviewed by Glen Schulz 2/7/2010
Well Georg, I think that you managed to dance enough to not get in too much trouble with the sisterhood, but you gotta be close :)
Reviewed by William Bonilla 2/7/2010
Quite a fantastic write Brother Ed
Judging from that picture,
She'll be needing a can opener after all
as for the perfect woman, My idea is "A big voluptuous woman
Thats deaft and mute and owns a liquar store"
Peace brother Ed


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