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Jenna Young

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Member Since: Jun, 2010

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Ana Mia
by Jenna Young
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Rated "PG13" by the Author.
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Recent poems by Jenna Young
•  Wherever you go, there you are
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           >> View all 17

Written in November 2003, when my family discovered my eating disorders. I was diagnosed with EDNOS a few months before.

Sometimes I don’t understand why I do the things I do

There are days when I feel so sad, tired, worthless and blue.

I want to get better, I promise I try

Look how far I have come from the days spent curled up on the floor, wanting to die.

Yet my problems still exist, they are with me everyday

I try to pretend they are not there, but that does not make them go away.

I find myself here on the bathroom floor

Years after telling myself I would not do this anymore.

Trying to rid myself of pain by purging what is inside

My secret is out

No longer can I hide.

Leaning over the porcelain bowl, throwing up once again

This has been a problem for so long, I do not know where to begin.

I remember being fifteen, wanting to loose a little weight

Every morning started with the same debate.

What will I eat? What will the scale say? If I don’t eat all at, tomorrow how much will I weigh?

I sat down that night, eating two single chips, when he came up to me and said “How can you eat those, look at your hips!”

Fast forward four years later

I am out on a date

I knew I should have eaten, but by the time I hit the floor, it was too late.

He picks me off the ground, not knowing what to say

All I can think of is how much I still weigh.

Two years later, in the hospital, unit two

They tell me if I don’t stop I will die, but I don’t believe it is true .

I have traveled down this long uncertain road for seven years, but still don’t know what to do.

I have fought many battles, and will win this one too.

 





 

 



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Reviewed by m j hollingshead
poignant read
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Carrboro Poetica by Phyllis Jean Green

A Pushcart Prize-nominated poetry collection...  
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