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Patrick A Granfors

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  Fun in the Gutter
by Patrick A Granfors
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Patrick A Granfors
•  Queen of Broken Hearts
•  Somebody Blinked
•  Drink About It
•  Bend
•  Dominos
           >> View all 528

Even while on vacation in the woods maintenance things have to be done.

To the show tune "Up on the Roof"

Photo:Mount Coolwater

This morning I climbed the ladder of doom

A fine warm calm June day

To clean the gutters of compost and things

What’s there I cannot say


Oh, on the roof the woods left big messes for free

Hopefully they won’t have to medivac me

No, No


The shingles are slippery and the angle is steep

This crap is just like glue

The water pressure’s low and it splashes my face

Now my hand’s stuck in this goo


Oh, on the roof the woods left big messes for free

Hopefully they won’t have to medivac me

No, No


Now the trowel is stuck and the nails have come loose

The gutter is hanging low

It’s near the peak of the roof and it’s so damned high

I’m losing my grip now so


Oh, on the roof the woods left big messes for free

Hopefully they won’t have to medivac me

No, No


I should have hired Bubba this is gonna end bad

The glide path’s very steep

If I survive I’ll never do this again

If I don’t I’ll be six feet deep


Oh, on the roof the woods left big messes for free

Hopefully they won’t have to medivac me

No, No


I just lucked out and landed right in the bush

I’m done with leaves today

I’m considering Bubba but his price is so high

I’ll save this problem for another day


Oh, on the roof the woods left big messes for free

I'm glad they didn't have to medivac me

No, No…Up on the roof…..Up on the roof… Up on the roof



Copyright 2010 Patrick A Granfors




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Reviewed by Ronald Hull 6/19/2010
When young, thoughts turn to love; when old, to labor.

Glad you lucked out to write another day.

Reviewed by Georg Mateos 6/18/2010
Every "do it yourself" own a ladder of doom, the smarter thing is to let Bubba to go up and break something...keeping you away from that six foot under!


Reviewed by Eileen Granfors 6/17/2010
Should have slept in . . .the heat stroke is not a good thing.
Reviewed by Richard King 6/17/2010
What the hell were you thinking? Bubba on the roof and you in the chaise lounge, beer in hand, just sounds so much more sensible to me. Old bones break real easy.

Reviewed by Mr. Ed 6/17/2010
The Ladder of Doom - the mind boggles here with the dangers of you, a ladder, and more insects. Be very careful, up there. And watch out for Roof Racoons and Rowdy Raptors, too.
Reviewed by Paul Berube 6/17/2010
The pains of home ownership, Patrick. Nicely told.
Reviewed by Christine Tsen 6/16/2010
That's an exquisite ballad Patrick. I'm getting into your poetry.
Reviewed by Dayvid Graybill 6/16/2010
Yeah, gutters aren't as fun as they used to be! More often than not tho, that's where my mind is.

Reviewed by Ed Matlack 6/16/2010
Oh stop whinin', as its your house you are the one that NEEDS to clean them gutters, not him for real emergencies like when the sewer clogs up...LOL, Ed
Reviewed by Peter Schlosser (Reader) 6/16/2010
Maybe you should drink a beer and then go up to the roof and, well no, on second thought, don't do that! Don't touch the beer and go on that roof, you hear me!!!
Reviewed by Mark Lichterman 6/16/2010
Ain't no fun on a roof, my friend. I've been there thousands of times and so well know that going up is so much eaiser than coming down, not too fast, though. Though still in the "going on roof business", I just do not do it anymore and neither should you... EVER!!!
Your friend, Mark
Reviewed by JASMIN HORST SEILER 6/16/2010
You have your mind in the gutter and on the gutter, but you said it well without a stutter, ha good one Patrick! Jasmin Horst
Reviewed by Kate Burnside 6/16/2010
This is one fine capture of the song and you the deft poetic songbird that sings it with such gay abandon! Can relate to this one big time, Patrick, as our house is sorrounded by stunning oaks and Scots pine - double trouble whatever time of year it is and constant hard work... they make us surely pay for their gratuitous beauties! xx
Reviewed by Deborah Tornillo 6/16/2010
Patrick: With a home in the Shanandoah Mountains - we too have our gutter issues. As a matter of fact - we just hired someone to clean ours. Every Spring its the gutters and every Fall its the leaves. It's worth every penny to pay "Bubba." I enjoyed your sense of humor. Great poem.

Reviewed by Sage Sweetwater 6/16/2010
Summer version of Chevy Chase's Christmas Vacation! Put the safety lock on the staple gun! A ride in an air ambulance is $35,000 - great to have home owners insurance with a life dormer deductible...Fun in the Gutter is worth its premium, Patrick...

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