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Tom Hyland

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  GRANNY GOOSE FLOOZIE - AIRIN' OUT HER SUZIE
by Tom Hyland
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Rated "R" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Tom Hyland
•  OF ALL THE GIRLS I LOVED BEFORE ...
•  ALL HALLOWS EVE
•  HONEY, OUR VOWS MEANT NOTHING TO YOU ... BUT I DIDN'T KNOW
•  CONTEMPLATING BAMBI’S NAVEL
•  DANGLING PARTICIPLES ?
           >> View all 513






I had put in a full day's work, doing 'odd jobs' at her house, while she was at work.

A good 12 hours, minus 1 for dinner ...
we were both beat - i showered - she tubbed -
an old classic movie to watch - then ...
would I abed be - a Sinner?

NOT HARDLY!







GRANNY GOOSE FLOOZIE
AIRING OUT HER SUZIE!

© - Tom Hyland - Saturday, 6/26/10

T’was late in the evening,
‘Bout quarter to twelve -
A rap on the door n’
A ringin’ o’ the bell.

She was astonished -
Who could it be?
I sprang to my feet -
To take a ‘look-see’!

To the front door -
I flew like a flash,
Flipped on the porch-light -
Unlocked the latch.

No one nowhere to be seen -
Perhaps it was the kitchen door’s?
I zig-zagged around -
Wearin’ nothin’ but drawers!

Flipped off the kitchen light -
N’ on the light of the porch -
Nope - not a person in sight -
No imp, nor agent, nor any torch!

T’was a quandary, a mystery -
Ole Granny in just her gown -
Just had to go see!
Meanwhile, I went - n’ took a Pee!

Out the front door -
Out on the lawn -
Granny Goose in Gown -
One hundred plus pounds - pure brawn!

She circled the driveway -
Then through the gate -
Crossed the patio to the pool -
N’ then tempted fate!

I made a bowl of ice cream -
Poured over some milk -
Down to the basement -
N’ sat - smooth as silk!

She hollered down -
“Get me the baseball bat!”
Back to the workshop -
That’s where it’s at!

“Here it is Hon” - I hollered -
But no answer t’was heard -
She was out n’ about again -
N’ heard not a word!

Down to the basement -
Then she came -
Hoopin’ n’ hollerin’ -
Just who was to blame?

Upstairs again - loaded with bat -
She was determined to find -
Out on the perimeter she stole -
Not feelin’ too kind!

As she crept around in her gown -
Like a thief in the dark -
The neighbor, Clarence -
Surprised her with his bark -

“Is everything okay, Pat?”
Scared her to death!
Almost wet her pants (none on though) -
But, she caught her breath.

By now t’was well past midnight -
N’ she was unabashed -
If - t’was a burglar -
His head would get bashed!

As I sat slurpin’ ice cream -
By now - half done -
“Are you ready to watch the movie?”
I said to my Hon!

She was exasperated -
“How dare some creep -
Invade my doorstep?”
Her feelin’s were deep!

The patio motion light -
Had been activated -
So she was convinced -
N’ very aggravated!

By now, at quarter to one -
‘Bout an hour had passed -
“North By Northwest”
Finally started - at last!

It had been a long day -
N’ we both worked so hard -
‘Bout two-thirty am - to bed we went -
Both physically scarred!

At five-thirty - t’was I -
Up to pee -
N’ wrote down this story -
From ABC to XYZ!


P.S.

Don’t tell her I hit the Wrong Switch -
N’ activated the motion detector Gizmo!


MORAL?

Never, Ever mess with -
Granny Goose Floozy -
While Airin’ out her Suzie -
Specially when - Bearin’ a Bat!


© - TKH.





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Reviewed by J'nia Fowler 6/30/2010
uhh... ya would wanna stay on good terms at least.lol Cute story Tom. Hugs, J
Reviewed by Georg Mateos 6/30/2010
That phrase, "nailed to the mattress" takes another meaning, hope you got plenty left of that family size package of blue pills I sent! (LOL)

Cuz EDvard

Reviewed by Jackie (Micke) Jinks 6/29/2010
Betcha it was a sly raccoon creepin' out of the bushes, Tom. Ya' gotta hang tight to dear ol' Granny Goose!! And hide the bat...
Good laughs, my friend...
Blessings and Love - Micke
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 6/29/2010
I can't believe I missed this one, so do you lick the windows as I occasionally pee on myself, I'll admit it, no shame...You walk around with a catheter stuck in your, er, ah, well you know and tell me you don't sometimes get it to go around the tube...its normal per the doc...e
Reviewed by John Coppolella 6/29/2010
Yikes! I will make sure not to cross paths with her. This is borderline insanity, just on this side of Freudian genius.












Reviewed by Regis Auffray 6/29/2010
Thanks for the laughs, Tom; I appreciate your wit and humor. Nicely done. Love and peace to you,

Regis

Books by
Tom Hyland



Bawlmer, Merlyn - Home of The Hons

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