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Tom Hyland

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  GRANNY GOOSE FLOOZIE - AIRIN' OUT HER SUZIE
by Tom Hyland
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Rated "R" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Tom Hyland
•  ELF # 1
•  SHRIMPY
•  OF ALL THE GIRLS I LOVED BEFORE ...
•  ALL HALLOWS EVE
•  HONEY, OUR VOWS MEANT NOTHING TO YOU ... BUT I DIDN'T KNOW
           >> View all 515






I had put in a full day's work, doing 'odd jobs' at her house, while she was at work.

A good 12 hours, minus 1 for dinner ...
we were both beat - i showered - she tubbed -
an old classic movie to watch - then ...
would I abed be - a Sinner?

NOT HARDLY!







GRANNY GOOSE FLOOZIE
AIRING OUT HER SUZIE!

© - Tom Hyland - Saturday, 6/26/10

T’was late in the evening,
‘Bout quarter to twelve -
A rap on the door n’
A ringin’ o’ the bell.

She was astonished -
Who could it be?
I sprang to my feet -
To take a ‘look-see’!

To the front door -
I flew like a flash,
Flipped on the porch-light -
Unlocked the latch.

No one nowhere to be seen -
Perhaps it was the kitchen door’s?
I zig-zagged around -
Wearin’ nothin’ but drawers!

Flipped off the kitchen light -
N’ on the light of the porch -
Nope - not a person in sight -
No imp, nor agent, nor any torch!

T’was a quandary, a mystery -
Ole Granny in just her gown -
Just had to go see!
Meanwhile, I went - n’ took a Pee!

Out the front door -
Out on the lawn -
Granny Goose in Gown -
One hundred plus pounds - pure brawn!

She circled the driveway -
Then through the gate -
Crossed the patio to the pool -
N’ then tempted fate!

I made a bowl of ice cream -
Poured over some milk -
Down to the basement -
N’ sat - smooth as silk!

She hollered down -
“Get me the baseball bat!”
Back to the workshop -
That’s where it’s at!

“Here it is Hon” - I hollered -
But no answer t’was heard -
She was out n’ about again -
N’ heard not a word!

Down to the basement -
Then she came -
Hoopin’ n’ hollerin’ -
Just who was to blame?

Upstairs again - loaded with bat -
She was determined to find -
Out on the perimeter she stole -
Not feelin’ too kind!

As she crept around in her gown -
Like a thief in the dark -
The neighbor, Clarence -
Surprised her with his bark -

“Is everything okay, Pat?”
Scared her to death!
Almost wet her pants (none on though) -
But, she caught her breath.

By now t’was well past midnight -
N’ she was unabashed -
If - t’was a burglar -
His head would get bashed!

As I sat slurpin’ ice cream -
By now - half done -
“Are you ready to watch the movie?”
I said to my Hon!

She was exasperated -
“How dare some creep -
Invade my doorstep?”
Her feelin’s were deep!

The patio motion light -
Had been activated -
So she was convinced -
N’ very aggravated!

By now, at quarter to one -
‘Bout an hour had passed -
“North By Northwest”
Finally started - at last!

It had been a long day -
N’ we both worked so hard -
‘Bout two-thirty am - to bed we went -
Both physically scarred!

At five-thirty - t’was I -
Up to pee -
N’ wrote down this story -
From ABC to XYZ!


P.S.

Don’t tell her I hit the Wrong Switch -
N’ activated the motion detector Gizmo!


MORAL?

Never, Ever mess with -
Granny Goose Floozy -
While Airin’ out her Suzie -
Specially when - Bearin’ a Bat!


© - TKH.





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Reviewed by J'nia Fowler
uhh... ya would wanna stay on good terms at least.lol Cute story Tom. Hugs, J
Reviewed by Georg Mateos
That phrase, "nailed to the mattress" takes another meaning, hope you got plenty left of that family size package of blue pills I sent! (LOL)

Cuz EDvard

Reviewed by Jackie (Micke) Jinks
Betcha it was a sly raccoon creepin' out of the bushes, Tom. Ya' gotta hang tight to dear ol' Granny Goose!! And hide the bat...
Good laughs, my friend...
Blessings and Love - Micke
Reviewed by Ed Matlack
I can't believe I missed this one, so do you lick the windows as I occasionally pee on myself, I'll admit it, no shame...You walk around with a catheter stuck in your, er, ah, well you know and tell me you don't sometimes get it to go around the tube...its normal per the doc...e
Reviewed by John Coppolella
Yikes! I will make sure not to cross paths with her. This is borderline insanity, just on this side of Freudian genius.












Reviewed by Regis Auffray
Thanks for the laughs, Tom; I appreciate your wit and humor. Nicely done. Love and peace to you,

Regis
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