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Iolanthe Woulff

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Member Since: May, 2010

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Books
· She's My Dad


Poetry
· A British Petroleum Afternoon

· Mom-in-Law

· That P Word

· Organized Religion

· So Long, Mr. Hot Pants

· Slough of Despond

· Malibu Majesty

· Lament for Eden

· The Faithbug

· Rain of Toxic Terror

         More poetry...

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Books by Iolanthe Woulff
  ICUR12B Shallow
by Iolanthe Woulff
Saturday, July 03, 2010
Rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Iolanthe Woulff
•  Purple Pickles
•  La Vieja Loca
•  The Bug
•  The Callous Sophisticate
•  The Web
           >> View all 56


Back in the Dark Ages of the Internet, when America Online was a paid service, I submitted this poem to their poetry contest. To my great astonishment, I won. The Grand Prize was 10 free hours on AOL. Lucky me!


Oh, how could I live without aerosol fat?
Microwave zappers,
gold-plated crappers?
What would I do if the champagne was flat?
I'm so callow, puerile, shallow,
and I never stop to Think!

Oh, what would I buy without Calvin Klein?
Billy Blass
Steuben Glass?
What would I wear but some fool's design?
I'm so callow, lightweight, shallow,
and I never stop to Think!

Oh, what would I read except PEOPLE mag?
Now, let's see:
SELF, or ME?
How could I stay such a bore and a drag?
I'm so callow, hollow, shallow,
and I never stop to Think!

Oh, where would I be without plastic plants?
Fido's Super
Pooper-Scooper?
Polymer doubleknit Hagar pants?
I'm so callow, useless, shallow,
and I never stop to Think!

Who could we flummox besides ourselves?
Here and there

pursuing air,
buying identities off the store shelves.
We're all shallow, mental tallow,
'cause we never stop to Think!  

 

LW

 




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Reviewed by D Johnson
Getting 10 free hours from AOL is like bragging that your Yugo is indistructable...

Cheers from the side that got tired of people asking if the glass was 1/2 full or 1/2 empty...so to settle the argument, I made sure it was empty...

I really am in a good mood 'cause I'm going to the casino in a little while.
Dan
Reviewed by Sage Sweetwater
Identity theft I think not! This puts me in a thinker's pose, my elbow on my lap, my finger on my temple pointing to the sky...designer labels and plastic caviar American Express...pass me the drag queen's feather boa and I would be much happier...I drink my cold duck champagne from a dixie cup and recycle the plastic cork like a lesbian! And you won, Lannie! It's good...how are you on the blackjack tables?

Love,
Sage
Reviewed by Elisabeth Barstowe
I can see how you won. It's a great poem!
Reviewed by Dayvid Graybill
Damn! Only 10 free hours! That's worth at least a year! I remember AOL and DOS. I was mad when they went to a Windows format. Good poem Lannie.

Peace,
Dayvid
Reviewed by JMS Bell
I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU CHANGED THE TENSE OF THE PERSON WITH YOUR LAST LINE BECAUSE...'I' NEVER DO THOSE THINGS YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, I AM NOT HOLLOW, I AM NOT LIGHTWEIGHT, I AM NOT PUERILE, I AM NOT MENTAL TALLOW...I AM NOT SHALLOW, 'I'...'I'...'I...OH, MMMMMMM...I GUESS 'WE' ARE ALL GUILTY OF NOT STOPPING TO 'THINK'(SMILE). AN EXCELLENT WORK, LOLANTHE, AND THANKS SO MUCH FOR SHARING. LOVE AND BLESSINGS, JOYCE * HIS INSPIRATIONS
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Prosetry at Work by Odin Roark

This book represents a thirty-day period of my poetry journal. Each poem addresses the dominant thoughts occupying my mind during the early morning hours of a given day...  
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