I'm high as fuck on gabapentin (please excuse the grammatical errors). Either kill me, or deliver me to Fate.

i am aone. I am always alone when I need someone to be there with me. Some moments I wish i would die. I take more pills. There is no one to hold, no one to touch; alone with my psychoses.
I want to die. I don't want to die.
There are two choices, die or kill. Which shoud I choose?
In life there is only the victim and the killer. I feel like both of them.
Where are my friends? where is my girl? Who is my girl?
Who is she?
I must find her. Only she can console me, and provide for my needs. She will tell me that its okay, that everything will be alright. She would tell me this even if I died in her arms.
She loves me, and I love her.
Where is she?
I need you now. Here with me.
Satan, send me a sucubus so that she may be my perfect mate.
I beg you.
I need her, whoever she is...

Is it really so much to ask from a woman? To love me for who I am? To satisfy me, and i in turn satisfy her? Is that too much?
That is all I want, her by my side wherever I go... we will go together.
I need you now.
Somewhere in the word my girl feels this ache for me, the pain of love. She feels the same. She is alone. She is always alone. She needs me.
She needs me to tell her it will be okay, and everything will be alright.
Somewhere, my girl is crying, wherever she is. Whoever she may be.

Or am I doomed to be alone? is that my destiny? To be alone forever?
Is she there? or does she exist only in the cobwebs of my mind?
I hope she is there.
Somehow, there must be a girl who needs me. She needs me for solace, and I need her for solace.
I would beg the gods, if they existed.
How long before I find my dark queen?
Where are you?
I need you now.
I love you...
Whoever you are.

Its okay. Everything will be alright.