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Patrick A Granfors

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Member Since: May, 2009

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Short Stories
· Strawberry Green Springs

· Transitions

· Drip Line

· Fabulous Eight Bean Soup

· Consequences

· Mighty Fine Stuffed Cabbage Rolls

· Phobos-Grunt Re-entry

· My Second Ozark Boat Ride

· Marinating on my TV

· A Penny For My Thoughts?

· Time for Confusion

· Alzyisms Part 7 - Partial Reconciliation

· Alzyisms - Part 6

· Somebody Blinked

· Bend

· Drink About It

· Dominos

· Standard Issue

· Wisdom of the Wind

· Rainy Day Poem

· Can You Imagine

· The Beer Standard

· Kubic

         More poetry...

Patrick A Granfors, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

by Patrick A Granfors
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Rated "PG" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Patrick A Granfors
•  Queen of Broken Hearts
•  Somebody Blinked
•  Drink About It
•  Bend
•  Dominos
           >> View all 528

Yeah, I know I'm a sick puppy.

There once was a chicken named Stella

Who contracted a case of rubella

If you ate her eggs runny

The results were not funny

So they recalled them for salmonella


There once was a farmer named Titus

Who suffered from rheumatoid arthritis

When it rained joints would ache

The funny noises he’d make

Made you wonder if he also had colitis


There once was a very young beaver

Who came down with rheumatic fever

When her tail was inflamed

It made her ashamed

Because no other beaver would believe her


The once was a man named Litos

Who was bitten by hungry mosquitoes

Thought he’d contracted malaria

Went into hysteria

Till he learned he was allergic to Doritos


A man whose name we won’t mention

Suffered from acute hypertension

The doctor prescribed pills

But that caused further ills

By affecting his private extension


A man went to his doctor for a rash

But the doctor was exceedingly brash

The marks on his belly

Were sticky and smelly

So he ordered him to stop sleeping with trash


There once was young man named Nate

Who developed an enlarged prostate

Full of vinegar and piss

His opportunities to kiss

Were compromised when he went out on a date


There once was old man named Floyd

Preparation H he decided to avoid

But to his chagrin

His alphabet sin

Was rewarded with an unhappy rhoid



Copyright 2010 Patrick Granfors



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Reviewed by Ronald Hull 8/27/2010
Well raging 'roids, how did you know I was allergic to Doritos?

These are hysterical. You should think of doing them, stand up.

Reviewed by Sage Sweetwater 8/25/2010
Reads like a curse. Putting something bigger into the anal sphincter than what comes out of it, like a community log and all those righteous concerned drilling it into the bowels of hell where the Roid sits on the Devil's throne swollen with dirty bile.

Reviewed by Elizabeth Russo 8/25/2010
These are great! Very funny! I was going to say that Regis will really like these and I see that he does but do not threaten his crown, lol ~ very well done and big smiles! ~Elizabeth
Reviewed by David Maclellan 8/25/2010
Haha, very funny Patrick. I can see a competition developing with Regis, LOL

Reviewed by Mr. Ed 8/25/2010
Nothin like an unhappy rhoid.

And Poor Regis!!
Reviewed by D Johnson 8/25/2010
I don't know if this will be approved by the AMA, but I like're funny, for an old guy...

Reviewed by Annabel Sheila 8/25/2010
Love to start my day with a laugh! Thanks Patrick....keep 'em coming!

Reviewed by Karen Palumbo 8/24/2010
Nice to see you still have a good sense of humor...

Be always safe,
Reviewed by Christine Tsen 8/24/2010
These are truly about as wise as any Limericks I have ever heard...
Wise guy.
Well now I need to go look up "rhoid".
Thank you for these, perfect timing...dinner's ready!
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 8/24/2010
Hey, Patrick... ...Are you trying to dethrone me? I am supposed to be the "King of Limericks" in this joint. LOL!

There's a fellow whose name is Patrick
On Regis he has played a foul trick
When just on a whim
He tries to usurp him
By writing one fine limerick (...and a few more as well.)

Love and peace,

Reviewed by Paul Berube 8/24/2010
sick sick sick ;-)
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 8/24/2010
You said it yourself "puppy", I didn't have to this time...number six seems to be familiar for some reason...;-) ed

  1. Interaction
  2. A Southern Gentleman...
  3. Gary's Ghostly Bar & Grill
  4. The Toilet Seat
  5. What is it with women...?
  6. Lines
  7. Ah, Shucks
  8. A Guitar
  9. A Cool Guy
  10. Karma Cafe
  11. Somebody Blinked
  12. Halloween is Coming!
  13. Mushmouth Kostro...
  14. Nuts
  15. Friday The 13th
  16. Bobby Banana
  17. Pop-Ups
  18. It's All About Timing
  19. An expose' of the Pines Devil...
  20. My Ass Is Grass

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