Why do they do it ?
by Susan C Porteous
Sunday, September 29, 2002
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For those of you who are left behind
When your loved one takes their life,
In your mind you scream, outside you weep
Even when you try to sleep
The peace you need is far away,
Oh ! why couldn't you just stay.
If only I had seen your pain,
But I didn't.
If only I'd told you I was there for you
But I hadn't
If only I had known how much you were hurting
But I couldn't
If only I'd told how much I loved you.
But I thought you knew.
Why do they do it ?
I often wondered why
They find living so terrible,
They'd give up all and die.
But then in 1980 I was taken there myself,
To the edge of reality,
A most precarious shelf.
Depression sat upon me, blackness filled my seeing
I could no longer relate to my fellow human beings.
Outwardly I showed, little change to my demeanour,
But in my mind the turmoil raged, anxiety grew, sanity was caged,
All I could see was a tortured me,
To me, death held the only key.
My peace was staged in a bottle of pills
My mind told me they'd take all ills,
Away from the person who looked like me
Someone drowning in the sea.
Enough drugs were swallowed
To make life extinct.
Goodbye hateful world
Three words succinct.
But into account I had not taken
My Maker had not me forsaken.
He cradled me in His agape love
He spoke gently to me from His place above.
He did not allow me to die on that day
But for 3 months after locked up I did stay.
When sanity, to me was restored
The angels and I in one accord
Gave thanks and glory to Our Lord.
Written in response to a friends poem, after her nephew was lost to suicide 2002
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|Reviewed by Lisa Hilbers
|There is nothing in this world as distant as depression. And it is hidden well behind many many masks. And I wore several of those masks for many years. But like the person in this poem, God wasn't ready for me to die yet, and He reached down from Heaven and neutralized all 50 of those sleeping pills I shoved down my throat. That was a very long time ago,,almost seems like a lifetime has passed since then. But when I came up out of that dark hole, I promised not only myself but God as well, that I would never let myself go there again,,and I haven't. But unfortuneatly some don't get that second chance. I'm truly sorry for your friend,,Lisa|
|Reviewed by Madame X
|Been there Susan--suicide affects those who are left behind. Too many unanswered questions. Sometimes we just want to stop the world and get off for a while...BUT..tomorrow is always another day.|