This is a tribute in honor of my mama's birthday. She would have turned seventy six years old on October 19.
An unseen hand guides me,
use to wonder who it is.
Long time ago it was a shadow,
now you're my reality.
Use to toss and turn and wallow,
your love always a question mark,
your ghost I could not follow,
so I stumbled along in the dark.
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Then I grew up and put away,
my childish imaginations and fancies,
that seemed to lead me astray.
Choosing instead to swallow,
my every fear and consternation,
because your ghost I could not follow.
Then you came to me in a dream;
I was in shock,
but I could not scream.
I reached out to touch you,
but I couldn't...you were only a dream.
So I woke up instead and I cried.
You came to me just like that.
once, twice, three times and more,
and each time I reached out for you,
I woke up and lost track of the score,
Please come back! I need you so much,
my heart would beseech and implore.
Each morning when I awake,
I study my face in the looking glass,
I bear your image; that's no mistake.
Kindred spirits, of an upper class,
we took on similar paths,
genuine,of the heart,with not an ounce of fake.
I do declare, " I am proud to be your child!"
Though you've been gone all of my life,
you still taught me to be meek and mild,
you taught me to run from strife.
All I have of you are a few photos;
at times I still get mad as hell,
why haven't I more?
And the tears that I've shed,
are more than enough to fill up a well.
Somethings don't need to be fed:
Let 'em go already,
'cause they are as good as dead!
So on this day, the day of your birth,
I feel dark as I mourn;
empty, sad and with out mirth.
Wanted to write you a nice, happy ditty,
in honor of the day you were born,
instead I feel clueless and not so witty,
as I look on the past with scorn.
I'm so very sorry Mama,
I can't feel your presence,
it's been such a long time,
I have no birthday presents,
just bitter memories and my tired, blue rhyme.
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Eva Santiago Copyright 2010