Join Free! | Login 

USA Independence Day
   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!

Signed Bookstore | Authors | eBooks | Books | Stories | Articles | Poetry | Blogs | News | Events | Reviews | Videos | Success | Gold Members | Testimonials

Featured Authors: Ann Frailey, iRussell Williams, iMr. Ed, iMark Lichterman, iSky Purington, iWilliam Guy, iFrank Ryan, i
  Home > Humor > Poetry
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

Patrick A Granfors

  + Follow Me   

· 553 titles
· 6,293 Reviews
· Share with Friends!
· Save to My Library
Member Since: May, 2009

   My Blog
   Contact Author
   Read Reviews

Short Stories
· Strawberry Green Springs

· Transitions

· Drip Line

· Fabulous Eight Bean Soup

· Consequences

· Mighty Fine Stuffed Cabbage Rolls

· Phobos-Grunt Re-entry

· My Second Ozark Boat Ride

· Marinating on my TV

· A Penny For My Thoughts?

· Time for Confusion

· Alzyisms Part 7 - Partial Reconciliation

· Alzyisms - Part 6

· Somebody Blinked

· Bend

· Drink About It

· Dominos

· Standard Issue

· Wisdom of the Wind

· Rainy Day Poem

· Can You Imagine

· The Beer Standard

· Kubic

         More poetry...

Patrick A Granfors, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

  Retarded Homonyms
by Patrick A Granfors
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Rated "G" by the Author.

Share   Print   Save

Recent poems by Patrick A Granfors
•  Queen of Broken Hearts
•  Somebody Blinked
•  Drink About It
•  Bend
•  Dominos
           >> View all 528

Nuances of the English language

It is odd the way certain homonyms evoke wildly different emotions:


Take for example: “Retard”


If you call a mentally challenged person a “retard” it is considered a scurrilous act and rightly so.


If you call a person of average mentality who does something mentally inept a “retard” it is considered humorous, at least in my book.


Of course you could get technical and “retard” the timing on the ignition position of your car’s engine from its optimal 20 degrees before top dead center. But that just makes you a motorhead. Yet Robert Pirsig found inner peace with such things as he described in his 1974 masterpiece, “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.


Or you could “retard” the advancing flames of a brush fire and that would make you a firefighting pilot. A “retard” pilot so to speak. I defy you to find anything more honorable.


I suppose you could push the envelope here a bit and examine the consequences of being late to a court appearance twice, labeling you as “re-tardy” but then Lindsey Lohan has already claimed that honor.


So then I had to consider whether she is mentally challenged and therefore the “re-tardy” label is scurrilous, or if she is just an average Joe doing stupid stuff which qualifies her as being “re-tardy” in a funny kind of way. I’m banking on the latter.


Sadly I do not speak any other languages, so I have no idea whether other cultures have to wrestle with these oddities. I do know that some foreign homonym equivalents don’t translate all that well across languages.  For example, take “dim sum”, that delicious Chinese dumpling. Now compare that with my upcoming miniscule tax refund; truly a “dim sum.”


Isn’t that simply retarded?



Copyright 2011 Patrick Granfors



Want to review or comment on this poem?
Click here to login!

Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!

Reviewed by Regis Schilken
I love your "retard" poem. It is much like the word soul.

Reviewed by Richard Henkel (Reader)
I think that it's a little more PC to place the em pha'sis on the second syl la' ble, re tard'. RC
Reviewed by Annabel Sheila
Hahahahahaha!!! This is toooo funny! Thanks for the laughter, Patrick!

Reviewed by Regis Auffray
Thank you for once again sharing your wit and humor, Patrick. Clever. Love and peace to you,

Reviewed by Ronald Hull
Neg sum is Chinese for my return. But then, I went to school in Me-No-Monie. If word play does no harm, what the hay.

Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
Excellent writing, Patrick, although I loathe the word retarded: that's what kids used to call me when I was in school; years later, the words still causes me to cringe.

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Texas, Karen Lynn. :(
Reviewed by Mark Lichterman
As per usual, Old Pal, the use and concept of your words leave me in absolute awe.
Reviewed by Jerry Bolton (Reader)
Humm, you really have a lot of time on your hands, eh, Patrick? Gotta love it!
Reviewed by Karen Vanderlaan
clever write! I love it!
Reviewed by Peter Schlosser (Reader)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as brunch patrick!!!
Reviewed by Richard King
This is far to wise sounding to have come from the wacky, "retarded" Patrick who writes all that off beat stuff I've become accustomed to. A very enjoyable detour, however. Thanks Dick
Reviewed by Paul Berube
Well said and well explained, my friend.
Reviewed by Ed Matlack
I always have had, since my first reading of Z&AofMM, a copy around to read & re-read & learn to retard my timing, as my timing has never been much good...and at least you are getting a "dim-sum" in return as I collected unemployment all last year and have to pay a considerable sum, basically one pay period of UC on read & re-read...e
Reviewed by D Johnson
Nice going Patrick...

Popular Poetry (Humor)
  1.  Poet Up a Tree
  2.  OMG, it's freakin' HOT...
  3.  The Thrill is Gone
  5.  Mushmouth Kostro...
  6.  Sunny Days and Mondays
  7.  Procrastination
  8.  Halloween is Coming!
  9.  Sadie Graylow
  10.  A Cool Guy

Mauled Maimed Mangled Mutilated Mythology by Jay Dubya

Mauled Maimed Mangled Mutilated Mythology is a collection of 21 famous myths that have been given adult spins and presentations...  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us

Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.