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Patrick A Granfors

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  Vultures, Rooftops and Beer
by Patrick A Granfors
Monday, October 24, 2011
Rated "G" by the Author.

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Recent poems by Patrick A Granfors
•  Queen of Broken Hearts
•  Somebody Blinked
•  Drink About It
•  Bend
•  Dominos
           >> View all 528

Buzzards are a protected species in Missouri

Photo of my Patrick Granfors

The vulture perched atop my roof

The liquid snowcap total proof

Making every attempt to appear aloof

While I flapped my wings at him


It’s quite illegal to make him dead

Against blue sky his noggin red

At every shout he cocked his head

While I flapped my wings at him


He has no fear and skin like leather

Prefers my roof in cooler weather

Knows that flight requires feather

While I flapped my wings at him


My skinny arms produce no lift

So his interest had begun to drift

His arrogance got me so damned miffed

I quit flapping my wings at him


I went to the fridge and grabbed a beer

Took a mighty slug to make mind clear

Returning to the deck with a nasty sneer

And threw the can at him


The empty can fell ten feet shy

He looked at me and in reply

Took a birdie dump that wasn’t dry

The gauntlet had been thrown


I returned to the fridge for another can

Determined to be the better man

Took a tiny sip continuing my plan

And threw another can at him


This time the can carried weight

Though the toss itself was not that great

Into the air the bird flapped straight

Then settled back again


A penny saved is a penny earned

But a wasted beer on bird returned

Made me contemplate what I have learned

About living in the woods


The forest is this bird’s home too

So I decided that what I have to do

Is pretend my snowcap isn’t poo

But is instead the Matterhorn


As a postcard it won’t win awards

But at least the direction I’m moving towards

Coexistence with all of nature’s wards

And the preservation of my beer



Copyright 2011 Patrick Granfors



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Reviewed by JMS Bell
Reviewed by Janna Hill
That was delightfully entertaining Patrick in tempo and temperment!
I needed a giggle. Thanks.
:) Janna
Reviewed by John Payne
Hmmm. Vulture circling and perching above you. Time to see the doc. Maybe the bird is trying to give you a heads up. :)
Reviewed by Karen Vanderlaan
Reviewed by Ronald Hull
Thank goodness it wasn't a friendly beer loving bear! I feel your frustration and your poem is eloquently conveying your frustration and the angst of the situation you are in. Where does the vulture perch in the forest? Anywhere he wants. That's why man invented guns.

Reviewed by Mr. Ed
Build him a loo, to flush his poo, you old Buzzard you.

(Damn it; Jasmin already said that.)
Reviewed by Elizabeth Price
lol. What a hoot. Do not waste beer on buzzards it's against the law in missouri to waste beer for any reason. lol. Love it. Liz
Reviewed by Mark Lichterman
Very funny story,Patrick.
I once had a job to do on the roof of a Laundromat near Las Vegas, Nevada. In order to avoid the heat, I started at daybreak and there, on the neighboring roof, no more than ten feet away sat three ugly vultures watching... and really unnerving me.
Reviewed by Ed Matlack
Are they afraid of owls? If so you can mount a couple of fake owls up there like we do at the shore to scare off the seagulls, though some gulls are pretty damn smart and just alight right on top of the wooden owls...;-)e
Reviewed by Susan Bergeron
loved this Patrick!
Reviewed by Richard King
I can't imagine anyone throwing a good Budweiser at anything.... must have been one of those damn foreign beers. Suggestion, next time fill the can with water AFTER it has been properly consumed.... I'm just sayin....

Seriously though, great poem Patrick. Haven’t seen much of you lately, guess that project is still taking up lots of your time… Miss your regular contributions. Dick
Reviewed by Paul Berube
Great write, Patrick.
Reviewed by Annabel Sheila
Hilarious story, Patrick....thanks for the laughter!

Reviewed by Regis Auffray
I always love your sense of humor, Patrick. Thanks for sharing. Love and peace,

Reviewed by pat medlin
good one....pat
Build him a loo, to flush his poo, you old Buzzard you. I see you must be getting bored, throwing good beer at birds (of a feather that is) eh.
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