A Crisis of Heart: To be A Proud American Muslim Woman
By Debora Reynolds
aka Fatima Bangoura
To know the truth
Yet fear to live it To be proud
Yet having to hide it
What kind of country am I in
To be in the land of freedom
Yet forced to pretend
Or they will hate me!
I walk down the street
Letting them make my choices,
They know better
After all, they are from a more advanced society
A society in which a woman’s value is her body and her willingness to freely give it
Sexual morality is only required for politician
Respect is based on your bank account
Or your gun
We are the do what feels good nation
and we demand that you do thing are way!
As advanced people we have the obligation to bring
Those backwards thinking religious countries, out of the dark ages
and they have an obligation to give us their oil
African Moon Inc 11.29.2011
A Crisis of Heart: To be a Proud American Muslim Woman
As an American woman, I have been blessed with the best that this great country can provide; the best educational opportunities, advanced technology, science & medicine. Yet I found myself lacking, an emptiness, in the core of my being. There was something missing! I had the all the latest gadget, designer wardrobe and a nice home. My education on life, taught me that these were the things I needed to be happy. Yet I found my self consumed with depression and a gaping hole where my heart should be.
A twist of fate, divine intervention, a bolt of lightning directly to the heart, I had found my cure in a place I had never thought to look.
I was raised in a family that did not place much value on God and religion. I recall the stories about a time when they attempted to find God. They do not speak of morality or spiritual understanding but of the churches required monetary donation. As an adult, I found myself with an overwhelming need to find God. My quest brought me down many roads but I did not find the true path and I gave up. After a tragic end to a marriage that I once believed would last a lifetime, I found myself completely lost and alone. When life had finally reached the point of complete despair, I had nothing left to do, but pray.
The very next day, Abdul Karim entered my life. Islam was the religion of backwards thinking terrorist, that oppress woman. I never even considered it, never once in my search for God did I ever read the words, Allah, Quaran or Islam, I saw it as evil. As like many Americans, September 11th, changed me and changed how I looked at my world. Before that day, I had felt safe, after that day, i was afraid and Islam was to blame.
Early in our relationship, we did not speak much of religion, yet as time went on and marriage became an issue, so did Islam. Karim is very different than most American men. He demands a form of respect and gives me and the woman in his life, a respect that I could not understand. This new way, restored my sense of safety and protection, while also leading to much confusion. I needed to understand.
I quickly discovered Karim’s differences were more than just his county of origin. It was the way in which his people lived and Islam. An African, Muslim man’s life and labor are for his family, he works for his women: mother, wife, sisters and children. It is his obligation to provide for and protect them and in return they show their gratitude by serving him. In America, a woman has the same educational and vocational opportunities as a man and therefore she is able to provide for herself. This self sufficiency can causes confusion, leading to a society of young woman who do not need men and furthermore feel no need to respect them. In return, men no longer feel the obligation to provide for or to commit to their women and children, only leading to the breakdown of the family. A culture without sex roles. No male or female identity, no obligation to provide, no value in family, all leading to the creation of a do what ever feels good society.
Islam taught me that as a woman, the value of my life is equal to that of a man’s. Furthermore, it makes clear, that Men and woman are different and we have different paths in life. Modern, western, science only proves this, physically and emotionally man and woman are not the same. Therefore it is not difficult to conclude, that our needs are also not the same.
I love my county and I love my religion. I am not willing to give either of them up and I shouldn’t have to. So until the day comes when those two worlds can unite, I must patiently endure. My only options- pretend to be something I am not and hide myself and my identity from the people that I belong to Or be willing to be called a traitor or Islamic extremist out of their ignorance. i have no option but to suffer with a crisis of heart. I can not go back to the life I lived before Islam, yet I am not free, to openly live my life as a Proud American Muslim Woman.