by Ruan Mills Burke
Friday, October 26, 2012
Rated "G" by the Author.
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Please read for quality of work rather than sympathy for situation.
I watched my life just walk away
A suitcase in each hand
Inside were packed my heart and soul
It aimed for greener land
My empty shell left cracked and stained
A shadow lies within
This hollow void once filled with light
Now dull and cold as sin
No comfort found in solitude
No joy exists in death
There’s nothing in this icy tomb
Save mist of icy breath
Breath that once expelled a laugh
And cast a warm reprieve
Light of love and warmth of heart
Mere echoes that won’t leave
My truth be gone, my faith be slain
A chill engulfs my core
This brittle shell is all there is
I’m broken, nothing more.
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|Reviewed by Mary Ann Biddinger
A heartbeat of faith echos your emotions.
Writing is a calming blessing.
Lady Mary Ann
|Reviewed by Asa Seeley
|vivid imagery and phrases support the theme solidly. like the last line; one is not destroyed, just broken, nothing more - they will survive. thanks
|Reviewed by Mor Inchrory
I am not quite sure what you are asking for here. The content though adequate, is an often-retold story. Which, I personally liked.
However, I feel it would have been better served in pentameter; tetrameter and trimeter tend to read quite fast.
The last stanza has lost the foregoing rhythmic pattern, by changing to headless iambic
“Breath that once expelled a laugh” A breath that once expelled a laugh.
You have breath following breath.
Having, two examples of icy in the penultimate stanza are usually frowned on by the purists.
It’s nice to see that metric poetry is still alive and well on Authorsden.
I hope to read more of you.
|Reviewed by Mr. Ed
|Powerfully sad, Ruan.|
|Reviewed by Ronald Hull
|A sad, mournful tone rings from this beautifully written heartfelt poem. I hope it eases the agony to write of it so eloquently.
|Reviewed by Lily of Lough Neagh C. Dennis-Woosley
|It is difficult to write about what
is obvious quality without feeling
for what one goes through Ruan...
Quality of course is excellent
as you write quite well...
I am sure many have stood in
Love and Light
|Reviewed by D. Vegas
|We all succumb to our truths and especially are faith.
And even though you do not wish to pick yourself up
and start over, you have to otherwise that shell will
crumble and you have nothing!
|Reviewed by Budd Nelson
|i had hoped this would turn around for you after so much pain before, i hope the pain starts to ebb and things start to shine again soon
|Reviewed by Jerry Bolton
|Oh Ruan, we're both pretty much on the same page these days. I had to turn away from these kinds of poem, they were cathartic to a point, but I got away from them today, and hopefully tomorrow.
It just hurts too much, although I am positive I'll be back crying in my beer before long. Sorry for your pain and suffering, my friend.