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Ruan Mills Burke

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Member Since: May, 2011

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Broken
by Ruan Mills Burke
Friday, October 26, 2012
Rated "G" by the Author.
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           >> View all 178

Please read for quality of work rather than sympathy for situation.


I watched my life just walk away

A suitcase in each hand

Inside were packed my heart and soul

It aimed for greener land

 

My empty shell left cracked and stained

A shadow lies within

This hollow void once filled with light

Now dull and cold as sin

 

No comfort found in solitude

No joy exists in death

There’s nothing in this icy tomb

Save mist of icy breath

 

Breath that once expelled a laugh

And cast a warm reprieve

Light of love and warmth of heart

Mere echoes that won’t leave

 

My truth be gone, my faith be slain

A chill engulfs my core

This brittle shell is all there is

I’m broken, nothing more.

 

 

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Reviewed by Mary Ann Biddinger 11/4/2012
Ruan,
A heartbeat of faith echos your emotions.
Writing is a calming blessing.

Lady Mary Ann
Reviewed by Asa Seeley 11/4/2012
vivid imagery and phrases support the theme solidly. like the last line; one is not destroyed, just broken, nothing more - they will survive. thanks

asa
Reviewed by Mor Inchrory 10/30/2012
Hi Ruan,
I am not quite sure what you are asking for here. The content though adequate, is an often-retold story. Which, I personally liked.

However, I feel it would have been better served in pentameter; tetrameter and trimeter tend to read quite fast.
The last stanza has lost the foregoing rhythmic pattern, by changing to headless iambic
“Breath that once expelled a laugh” A breath that once expelled a laugh.
You have breath following breath.

Having, two examples of icy in the penultimate stanza are usually frowned on by the purists.

It’s nice to see that metric poetry is still alive and well on Authorsden.

I hope to read more of you.
Best regards,

Mor.
Reviewed by Mr. Ed 10/28/2012
Powerfully sad, Ruan.
Reviewed by Ronald Hull 10/27/2012
A sad, mournful tone rings from this beautifully written heartfelt poem. I hope it eases the agony to write of it so eloquently.

Ron
Reviewed by Lily of Lough Neagh C. Dennis-Woosley 10/27/2012
It is difficult to write about what
is obvious quality without feeling
for what one goes through Ruan...

Quality of course is excellent
as you write quite well...
I am sure many have stood in
this situation

Love and Light
Lily
Reviewed by D. Vegas 10/27/2012
We all succumb to our truths and especially are faith.
And even though you do not wish to pick yourself up
and start over, you have to otherwise that shell will
crumble and you have nothing!

Deborah
Reviewed by Budd Nelson 10/26/2012
i had hoped this would turn around for you after so much pain before, i hope the pain starts to ebb and things start to shine again soon
budd
Reviewed by Jerry Bolton 10/26/2012
Oh Ruan, we're both pretty much on the same page these days. I had to turn away from these kinds of poem, they were cathartic to a point, but I got away from them today, and hopefully tomorrow.

It just hurts too much, although I am positive I'll be back crying in my beer before long. Sorry for your pain and suffering, my friend.
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