Redneck Christmas On The Net
by Epstein LaRue
Saturday, November 16, 2002
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We sit in our trailer and stair at the screens,
We have to wonder, what in the heck this all means.
With our mouse we roam, through the stores in a maze,
Looking for something special, as we sit in a daze.
We’ve searched all the town stores in total disgust,
So we turn to the computer, and to those that we trust.
No waiting for pesky salesmen here,
We can just set and browse with our nice cold beer.
Moon Pie, RC Cola, and Sun Dried Possum,
Damn, this store is really awesome!
Redneck air freshener, and bubble bath,
Oh the life down the primrose path.
Shotguns shells and a new gun rack,
Now all I need is a good ole gunny sack.
If only I could have a new PC,
Instead of this old worn out CB.
For my mother a new homemade fur coat,
For my brother a new fishing boat.
Dad needs a new pair of overalls,
Oh I love Internet shopping malls!
Oh for dinner, what shall we eat,
Maybe a casserole with potted meat,
Possum and taters, hog jowls and greens,
Maybe even some wieners and pork 'n beans.
Stuffed reindeer and snipe almondine,
Goes great with chitlins and lima beans.
Don’t forget to make some of that fruitcake,
The kind that will definitely make your tummy ache.
Now that I’m done and my Christmas is planned,
I can set back and listen to that new country band.
And I say in my southern drawl,
Good night to you and Merry Christmas to y’all!