by Retta (Reindeer) Mckenzie
Saturday, December 21, 2002
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Recent poems by Retta (Reindeer) Mckenzie
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You keep asking why I fear you,
And I hide from the question,
Because I don’t know how to
Tell you without making you angry
At my lack of belief in the words you say…
A word that does not begin
To express the terror that I feel,
Every time you want to talk to me,
I think you are going to leave,
And I have done something to make you
Not be able to see me anymore,
Fear you walking out the door!
Fear you saying good-bye,
Fear you see me
In my dark disguise…
I know I should let you go,
Not hang on you so,
But your presence is something I need,
Something that is trying to bring
Me into a world I left so long ago,
And I don’t remember anything but pain,
The sorrow that nearly drove me insane,
So when you hold out your hand,
Asking me trust the man
That stands before me,
I don’t think you understand
How hard it is to be
Something I never was…
Something I could never do,
Something I am trying just for you…
You keep asking why I am afraid,
You don’t understand,
Because you are so brave!
Letting your trust in me,
Let you down time and time again,
When all you wanted was in,
Where no one has ever been…
I am trying!
My eyes won’t stop crying,
My hands shake when I speak to you,
Soul trembling against its outer shell,
Trying to escape from the hell
I have been in so damn long.
That I have forgotten how to be strong...
And fear the thing you hold before me,
A friendship I will lose,
If I can’t find a way,
To trust you,
To let you in,
To be your friend-
But please believe me,
I am trying so hard to be,
The friend you want me to,
The friend who believes and trusts
The words you speak and say…
Trying to reach out,
And grasp that hand I see,
Trying so hard to be,
What you want of me…
But it ain’t easy,
It ain’t easy baby…
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|Reviewed by jude forese
|the fear of loss can be overwhelming... very nice write!|
|Reviewed by Brittany Renée
|I know the feeling all too well. Don't we all? I think you write this so well, and experience peeks behind this poem. I've had my trust taken forgranted once too many times, creating a wall inside built by others, and not me, in which only one soul can knock down that wall. You wrote with melody and softness yet used words of obvious relation and complete confidence. Good write.
Happy Christmas! *-Britt-*
|Reviewed by na na (Reader)
|It is so very difficult to trust. Especially, if ... like myself ... you have had your trust turned to ashes more than once. But is there any other way? Trust in me? How difficult? But the consequences of not trusting are even more difficult. I have lost love before because I couldn't trust someone who was worthy of my trust. It is sort of like dammed if I do and dammed if I don't. There are two Ladies at AD. One who I didn't trust and lost her love and one that I did trust and lost her love. So I really don't know what I am doing. But in the final analysis ... it is imperative to trust ... even if you lose and are wrong. Without trust ... how can you have true love?
P.S. Retta ... will you please comment on your song. It belongs to both of us??????