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The joys of being female.

I just woke up, my eyes have opened
I need to get my ass up
But I’m feeling kinda sluggish
Like I don’t give a fuck

The muscles in my stomach
Are doing jumping jacks
I’m feeling pain in my head
My breast and lower back

I’m emotionally unbalanced
But you could never tell
SOMEBODY TURN THE AIR ON DAMN IT
THIS HOUSE IS HOT AS HELL!

I know my husband loves me
He told me so last night
But if he says one word right now
There’s gonna be a big fight

WHERE’S MY DAMN MIDOL?
The first words out my mouth
AND GO GET ME SOME CHOCOLATE
IN FACT GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THIS HOUSE!

He left in his pajama’s
You think I give a care
He’s getting on my nerves anyway
Cause he breathing all my air

I make it to the bathroom
Put me on some protection
Thought about what I just did
Now I crying tears of affection

I’m so sorry baby
For what I put you through
I can’t control myself right now
Your know I really do love you

He kissed me on the my cheek
He told me he understands
YOU ARE MALE. YOU DON’T GET THIS
Now I’m mad as hell again

Started throwing a temper tantrum
Reached to get a cigarette
WHERE THE HELL IS MY DAMN LIGHTER
My husband just left – lick-i-ty split

Now I’m here all by myself
I guess I’ll watch some TV
My concentration is shot
I guess it’s watching me

I hear the telephone ring
Answer it with a dry HI
It’s my very best girlfriend
For no reason I start to cry

My homey understands me
She is really a good friend
We hang up. I go back to…
What the hell was I doing again?

Oh yeah, now I remember
That movie on TV
Wish I could complete a thought
THIS SHIT IS KILLIN’ ME

Everyone bear with me please
Today is one big mess
I’ll be better tomorrow I promise
GODDAMN THIS PMS!