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Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner

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Member Since: Dec, 2001

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things you don't want to hear during surgery *fiction*
by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

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*i respect doctors, nurses, and any-
body who works in the medical profes-
sion; let me state that for the re-
cord, so i'm not mistreated the next
time i have to go into the hospital!*
---------------------------------------------------------------
there is a reason they call it a medi-
cal "practice." they haven't perfect-
ed it yet!
----------------------------------------------------------------
and the point i'm trying to make...all
doctors and medical professionals need
to understand that the patient may
hear and understand what is being
said...KMS *keep mouth shut*
----------------------------------------------------------------
relax now, don't be scared, soon you'll be sound asleep
we'll take care of you, in our hands your life we'll keep
here's a blanket, to keep you feeling nice and warm
it's always chilly in the o.r., that's the norm
let's hook you up to this machine, to watch your heart
we want to catch any problems, before they start
pretty soon, you'll be in the recovery room
don't think of surgery as your impending doom
now...count back slowly, from one hundred...ninety nine...
doctor...the patient is ready...let's start the time...

(c) karla dorman, 2003
----------------------------------------------------------------
things you don't want to hear during surgery *anonymous*

...better save that, we'll need it for the autopsy

...someone call the janitor, we're going to need a mop

...bo! bo!! come back with that--Bad Dog!

...wait a minute, if that's the spleen, what's this?

...hand me that...uh...that...thingie

...o, no! i just lost my rolex!

...*oops*

...has anyone ever survived 500 ml of that stuff before?

...rats! there go the lights again!

...could you stop that from beating, it's throwing off my concentration

...catch it! it's getting away!!

...what's this doing here?

...i hate it when there's missing stuff in here

...that's cool! now, make his other leg twitch!

...i wish i hadn't forgotten my glasses

...well, folks, this will be a great learning experience for all of us

...watch out for that i.v.!!!!

...geez, i've got this hooked in something and it--won't--budge--

...what do you mean, the patient's waking up?

...sterile, schmerile; the floor's clean, right?

...anyone know where i left the scalpel?

...nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

...what do you mean, he wasn't in for a sex change?!?!??

...okay, now we'll remove this patient's brain and put it in the body of the ape...

...SHE'S GONNA BLOW!!!!!

...FIRE!!!!!

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Reviewed by Sara Nichols (Reader) 8/6/2003
This is hilarious... I dont even know what to say.... :P Good write... ~AnGuL
Reviewed by Sarah Tagert 8/6/2003
He He, very funny! I've had 7 surgeries, and I hope none of these things were ever heard in my OR!
Reviewed by Birdie Houston 8/6/2003
Now that's cute !
Reviewed by g g (Reader) 8/6/2003
Karla this is an incredible write!!!!
Huggsss
Lady G ;)
Reviewed by Susan Barton (Reader) 8/6/2003
Hey! I think you were listening in on my surgeries from last year!
Reviewed by Trish - The Trickster 8/6/2003
Karla, a fantasticly graphic write ;-)
Reviewed by La Belle Rouge (Reader) 8/6/2003
Oh Girl, you scare me LOL
Reviewed by Tinka Boukes 8/6/2003
This is so realistic Karla!!

Love
Tinka
Reviewed by Vesna Vanessa 8/5/2003
Incredible write..awesome..scary...

{{hugs}}

vesna
Reviewed by E T Waldron 8/5/2003
Karla after this I hope I don't ever have to have surgery:_)!!! A fantastic write!
Reviewed by Bhuwan Thapaliya 8/5/2003
Very nice write....BHUWAN
Reviewed by Sandie Angel 8/5/2003
Oh Karla:

This is so realistic. Yes, they should keep their mouth shut!

May Lu a.k.a. Sandie Angel :o)
Reviewed by Kate Clifford 8/5/2003
Opps is what I am known for saying LOL. Great write.
Reviewed by OnepoetGem *the Poetic Rapper 8/5/2003
funny, funny, karla. I had a minor problem which ended me up in surgery. When I woke up,
my body was missing, (just kidding) but it sure felt like it. When it was over I wobbled out the door. Then one of the nurses asked me if I was okay, and then told me I forgot to pay. Security grabbed me, and took me to the cashier,which was the doctors wife. She told me I would be paying for life. All for something real small. hugs, G
Reviewed by Michael Morash (Reader) 8/5/2003
Very Coooooooooool!
Reviewed by Lisa Hilbers 8/5/2003
OMG!!!!! I'm rolling here!!!! Now I tell ya,,somebody that's had 3 major surgeries in the last 7 months,,this will make one think! *grin* Great job Karla! ~SH~
Reviewed by Ed G Rhea 8/5/2003
I love this. It is so funny, and part of it is probably true.
Hear is a joke on these lines.

A nurse came in and asked the doctor to sign some papers. He reached in his shirt pocket and pulled out a Rectal Thermometer. He looked at it strangely and asked, "Now what asshole has my pen?"
Reviewed by Cheryl Sellers 8/5/2003
hahahaa, that is so funny, thank you for my evening laughter
Reviewed by Carolyn Red Bear (The Bear Paw) 8/5/2003
RORLMAO! This is too funny, Karla and the reason I don't do doctors....well...avoid them at all costs.... funny...
In Spirit,
Bear
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 8/5/2003
oh, my LORRRRRRRRRRD....*gasp, gasp, gasp* this is TOOOOOO funny; LM*O, ROTFWHL now i HOPE i'll NEVER need surgery! YIKES! you are a MESS, karla! HiLARious write; truly enjoy your wicked sense of humor! ((((HUGS)))) and much love, your twin, karen lynn. :)
Reviewed by Erica Ivory 8/5/2003
I AM NEVER GOING IN A HOSPITAL AGAIN...LOL.. This was funny.. but i am SCARED.
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