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Jennifer Jurado

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Member Since: Jul, 2003

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twenty years of passivity
by Jennifer Jurado

Tuesday, September 30, 2003

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nothing i remember beyond seven,
i was already too old by then.
i hid under my tiny umbrella
only so you wouldn't see me dancing naked.
but the whole world suddenly stopped turning,
and all the spotlights were fiercely burning,
as you pointed your big wrinkly finger, and said,
yep that's her, that's who she'll be.

i still walked in utter quiescence
young and humming, eating rocks and insects;
when lost the appetite for rolling things and flying things,
decided to look up and watch the twinklings.
and for years and years and years and so on
i only kept my head on high--
--not even knowing, still i was breathing
and all the world and life is passing me by.

twelve, and i thought, i've seen all life's got to give
thirteen and i was on nine cloud high
infatuation came and i thought, what marvel life is,
freedom is so only for i and i and i--no one else.
fourteen rolled by just like the butterflies in my stomach,
how they fly everytime i see statue david alive.
then fifteen decided to come and visit
and marvelous life decided to break away from me
as you pointed your big wrinkly finger, and said,
yep, that's her, that's who she'll be.

sixteen was a beauty as love began to bloom
yet my heart was shattered, beaten, broken, bruised
love...o i wanted to fathom your unfathomable sea
yet it didn't decided to let me loose
but life went on as the sky did...seventeen...
...and i was back on the mile high.
statue davids came running after me, and boy...
i thought i'd be forever alive.
eighteen i was and back on the love track,
only then i know it was really a roller coaster ride.
up and down i hastily fall and left and right--
and not knowing where to turn--i still ride.
i kept on moving and moving and moving,
and still...really i had nowhere to go.
by nineteen i was ready to retire from movement,
seeking console through empty sleep and books galore.
i was so exhausted from all that i've done---
--rocks, insects, naked dancing...
--jumping, and rolling, and roller coasting...
--love and statues and love..and nothing.
i was ready to lie out...ready to forever sleep.

but then that's really only me talking
of all the nothing i've chosen to be until now
when i've finally found myself to be something else
other than the passive voice i have become.
now i'm back to seven...
but with no umbrella to keep me blindly hidden from you.
after twenty years i have finally realized
the great truth, obvious truth, the only truth.
and here proud and happy i dance naked and seen
more alive than the times of rocks and insects, even love...
as you pointed your lovely finger at me, and said,
yep, that's her, i know who she is...whom i love.

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Reviewed by Kevin Mc Crum (Reader) 10/1/2003
A great ride this. well done.
Reviewed by Lady Peg (Reader) 9/30/2003
Wonderful poem.
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