Intimately Dysfunctional, with 'Putey
by Erin Elizabeth Kelly-Moen
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
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I have a computer of singular worth,
faithfully unfaithful to my touch,
almost a relic, but staunchly built,
maniacal, though it was not always so…
She was usedly new, in the Spring of 2000,
her ex-owner came and cabled her up,
I could barely breath, I’d been waiting
for years, to reach out and touch the world.
But I was illiterate to computer ways,
this baby had scars from replaced guts,
Hewlett Packard mixed with Yamaha,
self-expanded memory and motherboard replaced,
tweaks and raps she survived, retaining her poise.
Couldn’t do much but play games, at first,
took two classes so I knew what to do,
in Works and how to get around the Internet.
Her complexity fascinated me, her alluring
Control Panel and Help became my roaming grounds.
My good intentions to ‘fix’ nothing wrong
converted fun into mind-numbing nights,
searching for a driver I made disappear,
waffling through miles of files, poking my nose
where it had no business being, I screwed her up.
DOS and Safety Mode were pains in the ass,
yet every tiny victory in comprehending
buoyed my mind, until that dreadful day
I think I turned the C drive into Z drive,
and she gave up our meetings, becoming mute.
‘Putey had to go to Computerland, the guy was smiling
as I told my tale, assured me he could fix her
“good as new,” it would take a few days,
I berated myself, while she was gone, promised
to stay out of Control Panel, and cleaned the house.
Reunited, we once again took up web surfing;
Bingo abounded, TwoCows was cool,
gaming sites became the rule,
a contented time, before writing became my vice,
actually, there were some nights, due to full moons
or libation’s pride, I would become eager to meddle.
The wealth of paths would tempt me in,
twice more, when I couldn’t ‘fix’ my way out,
I crashed her brain. My restless mind
couldn’t abide not knowing how she imputed
her life, she was a marvel of technology, besieged by me.
I have over a hundred pages of System data,
multiple duplications of replicated files,
occasionally, I’ll just look around,
and delete an old file or Explore my Program Files.
I am forever rebooting, rebutting and refuting
her manic whims, DynaZip errors bring blue screens face,
I have utilities to repair our tired incorporation,
‘Putey and I are now dysfunctionally intimate.
Copyright 2003 ©
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|Reviewed by Rebekah Rosie Lang
|You are talking to an ex-computer programmer!
I never named my computer though. I watched my Mom
go through the "What does this button do" process and have to reboot about a zillion times or the mouse would freeze.
Computers just came natural to me.
Thank you for what you said in my review Erin.
I appreciate it so very much.
You are the best!
|Reviewed by Bhuwan Thapaliya
|Erin....this is something which is related to us of all....thanks for this unique and timely write...cheers...love n luck....BHUWAN|
|Reviewed by Dale Clark
|LOL I'm a former computer expert
myself and love playing with putey.
Especially intimately! ;) You've
captured the ineptness of either
Bill Gates or the fine dysfunctional
family of computer junkies. Not sure
which one is the culprit, the guy with
all the dough sure looks suspcious.
|Reviewed by Christine Morell
|I relate...too true I relate!
I was completely drawn into this and it goes to my library to prove I'm not the only one :)
|Reviewed by *********** ********** (Reader)
|Uh huh....I can relate..Bloody things I think we should go back to carrier pigeons lol
Enjoyed Erin, ty, Dani
|Reviewed by Ed Matlack
|Okay, Erin, now who is dysfuncional here? First I saw the word and thought, hey she is talking about me, then I understood you were talking about the computer and you named her, well not even I named my Pooter, not yet have I gotten that crazy, LOL!
This was extremely fun, and I identified with it all almost, ceptin' for the name part...but I enjoyed this no end and got many a laugh, thanks for those laughs, Peace, ED & Rufus (keep playin' solitare)
|Reviewed by Paul Berube
|Erin, you are definitely not alone. I bought the book Computers for Idiots and failed that. Well writtehn|
|Reviewed by Jerry Bolton (Reader)
|Thank God there is at leat one other person in this universe who is a meddlesome, stupidly curious person. I thought I was the only one. I have refused to tell my secret, bearing my shame silently but you have opened the door to a better life. "Screwing-around-with-the-computer-when-you're-not-supposed anonymous' first meet will soon commence. Thank you for a wonderful diversion into helplessness.|
|Reviewed by Trish - The Trickster
|Seems they can be a friend or foe, all things depending...LOL Great write.|
|Reviewed by Andre Bendavi ben-YEHU
|"Intimately Dysfunctional with 'Putey" - A very unique Voice in an artistic composition that instructs and inspires.
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
|Reviewed by Kate Clifford
|The world of the computer. Great write! Reminds me I am due for a defrag!|
|Reviewed by Floria Kelderhouse (Reader)
|Hahahahaha This is great....I defrag and scan disk mine all the time...we accumulate so much stuff on this poor thing...LOL...this was such fun...I can relate to it Erin....floria|