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by A PAX

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A wild goose never reared a tame gosling.


Oh! How I wish I could embrace a routine
My house would be spotless, my dishes all clean
The laundry room empty, a pantry well stacked
With low fat goodies, that never cause plaque

I'd wake up each morning bright eyed and dynamic
And do my aerobics, after jogging around quick
A healthy spread each morn on the table
Ensuring my angels their exceptional "label"

I'd vacuum the rug, then rake the back lawn
All before the crack of dawn!
Then polish the furniture and retile the hall
While making cookies, and sweeping dust balls

But alas I'm a slug, and enjoy a slow pace
My security blanket, is an old pillow case
I stay in my robe till a quarter past two
Overwhelmed by my schedule and all I must do!

So my kiddies eat candy for breakfast some days
And the sugar makes them so horrid and crazed
Halloween is a sacred holiday here
I just stuff them with goodies, as I guzzle beer!

But my brats know I love them above my own life
Cuz I don't let them juggle with bottles and knives!!!!
I've got my rules, and they know them by heart
I consult the tabloids for my horoscope chart!

No Dr. Spock parenting for me
I know the score, don't need a degree!!!
Hey, they walk and they talk..sometimes to excess
OK! Now I'm bragging!! I have to confess!!

Look, the authorities haven't been to my house for a week
If they come I'll just dazzle them with ancient greek!
We have class and know what to say
But its been tough since the Mothership went away!

Ok so we are different, and march to our own drum
Our favorite desert is reused chewing gum
Hey you know this is BS, and I'm perfect as hell
I'm the model for Barbie...You just ask Mattel!

Anita 9/00

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Reviewed by Debashish Haar (Reader)
Thanks for sharing this, Anita!
Reviewed by Tinka Boukes
O you funny you!!

Send me that funnybug back...seems to me I lost mine...somewhere!!

Love Tinka
Reviewed by jude forese
stark, honest humor at its best...
Reviewed by Taylor Trenton (Reader)
I am still smiling excellent.
Reviewed by Bhuwan Thapaliya
ANita...enjoyed this write of yours much....very very interesting write!!!!
Reviewed by E T Waldron
Anita, this really had me laughing out loud. You are so good at this. brilliant finale;-)Why aren't you on comedy central!;-)(Shots finished yet)
Reviewed by Cathy Montgomery (Reader)
Loved reading this! Certainly enjoyed your closing lines!!
Reviewed by Kerry Compton Star Girl
Now this was enjoyable! :)
Reviewed by Jeff Mason
I'm with Cheryl Sllers, but I also must know, are you "before
or after Mattel reduced the breast size?" ;-) There's too much
[truth] in this poem! :)
Reviewed by Mr. Ed
You're cracking me up again, Lady A! I also can't decide if I like this one better than the rabies shots.
Reviewed by Nicole Davis Vergara (Reader)
Wahoooo Lady A!!! A bar no holds and tell it like it is write...Excellant Write!
Reviewed by La Belle Rouge (Reader)
LOVE This, I have a magnet on my refrigerator that say "Boring Women Have Immculate Houses"
Reviewed by Lady Peg (Reader)

This is awesome {{[smiles}}}}
I too love your ending....

A slice of real
Reviewed by Lawrance Lux
Oh, the Brats are loved, though some days you could do without one or two; don't We all know the feeling. lgl
Reviewed by Christine Morell
There you go making my day again :) This is fantastic!
Reviewed by Koki Horner (Reader)
My new ANTHEM! This is a perfect write. I now know that I am "A Domestically Impaired Antigoddess." Thank you for clearing that up so splendidly!
Reviewed by Adam Walsvik (Reader)
I love your sense of humor!
Those who march to their own drummers march the most interesting paths.

Reviewed by Al Swanson (Reader)
this was great Lady A, and I adored that comment aboutthe mother ship too, Al
Reviewed by J. Pajot
Ah...The American Dream...lots of good chuckles from this one. Thanks.
Reviewed by George Carroll
I got a good laugh out of this gem,

Reviewed by Paul Berube
Lady A, Quite an experience. You sound perfect to me.
Reviewed by Kate Clifford
Beer before coffee? Yikes! :-) Love this real write.
Reviewed by Cheryl Sellers
LOL, loved this, but what I want to know Ms Barbie how do you stand on
those pointed toe feet Mattel made you... lol
I love this. Maybe cause it reminds me of me
Reviewed by Ted Sheridan (Reader)
I used to guzzle the beer but have since moved on to doing Tequila with it.

Poisoned By Yew by Janice Scott

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